Tuesday, September 16, 2014

A New Day

I would be remiss if I didn't write out this blog post immediately after yesterday's post.

Because the same little boy who destroyed baked goods yesterday was the same little boy today who held tight to his sister's hand and gently guided her up the path to the Pediatrician's office. The same little boy who gave me such fits yesterday morning, turned to me so sweetly at the doctor's office and said while pointing "Look Mommy, a triangle!" The same little boy who had me pulling my hair out yesterday had me asking for hugs as his hurtled his body into my arms with a grin.
The same Mommy who yesterday thought "I can't do this I can't do this" today thought "Wow I am one blessed woman."

It's amazing the difference 24 hours can make.

I love this blog because it is my safe place. I write honestly about motherhood even though I know that this doesn't always come across as rainbows and unicorns. I am okay with that. I don't write for people to feel sorry for me or to pity me. I write because to me it is therapy. To explain the morning in acute detail had me laughing at myself and putting it behind me that much faster. And I share it because I figure that perhaps it might be therapeutic for some of you too.

I always hesitate to publish those posts that might be perceived as negative. After all- this is the internet. My kids will mostly likely read all of this someday. Am I afraid that they will know that I think that raising them is hard at times? Will they read my words and feel a sense of betrayal that I struggled?

No. Quite the opposite. I want them to know that this is hard work. Because I want them to know that hard things are worth doing. Struggles are worth fighting through. And that they are worth all of the bad days in the world because I am lucky enough to share life with them.

Today as they laughed together, played together, grabbed for each other's hands, wrapped arms around me, listened intently to story time, begged for "MORE!", and sang along with hand motions to our bath time song routine- my heart swelled with love.

Today chubby cheeks lifted in smiles, blue eyes danced with delight, small feet danced, and exhausted tinies napped hard. Today we seized each moment and loved it all that much more in contrast to yesterday's fiasco. Today we did boring stuff like go to the doctor and fold laundry and yet we did it all together so it was an adventure. Today we made chili and no knead bread and snuck in extra croutons on the salad. Today was a good day.

Are they all good days? Nope and no. But the bad days are worth it. The tough moments are worth the fight. The struggles are worth the tears. Because motherhood is the good and hard all wrapped up together in soft arms that give long hugs while a voice whispers "I wuv mommy" in your ear. For every bad day? There are tons and tons of good ones.

I'm not going to lie, this summer has been a difficult one. With it being Aaron's busy season and Eli becoming much more mobile and the toddlers pushing every boundary- my days have redefined chaos. My number one priority has been keeping each child safe. Sometimes I don't have the energy left to go much beyond that.

But the trees are changing colors into their glorious palette of fall, and my motherhood season is changing along with it. Toddlers grow older and more independent. Babies grow into toddlers. And Mothers become wiser by the day. Not wise enough to help the issues of yesterday. But just wise enough for today.

Little girls who struggle with speech break out into tons and tons of words. Little baby boys start dancing along to every song ever. Big boys start holding conversations and relaying to Mommy what actually happened when she left the room. The days shorten, which means that Daddy is home earlier.

And soon what seems like a tough just-make-it-through-one-more-hour job becomes the biggest privilege in the world. Because yesterday is done and tomorrow looks bright and glorious.

I am thankful to be a mother to 3 beautiful children. I am thankful for the good days and the bad days. Because I learn different things on each different kind of day. For example, today I learned that I love this. I love being a mother to 3 kids. I love that they have each other. I love that I get to know them better than anyone. I love that they are my family.

The season is changing. In addition to immediately craving pumpkin desserts, hot beverages, and the smell of wood stoves firing up all over the city in the night air- this fall I want to gather my little brood close and make some more memories. Because the last season seemed to go all too quickly.

3 kids. It is hard. Sometimes baked goods get destroyed and little girls are late for school.

But it is worth it. Every single bit.

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