These last few days have reminded me of a chapter I wrote in my newest ebook Diapers, Onesies, Stretch Marks- Oh My! In honor of surviving this week until Friday, I thought I would share this chapter with you and give you a slight nudge to go check out the rest of the book on Amazon. (-: Thank you to all of you who have read and left me such sweet and awesome reviews. Here's to motherhood- the good and the....well, not so good.
A Sleeping Child
They had been particularly naughty that day.
Screaming when I needed them most to be quiet, pulling out their toys from the bins after I had already picked them up for the bazillionth time that day, refusing to eat the dinner that I spent most of the afternoon making for them, running in opposite directions off the edge of the deck when I tried to get them to walk to the car, tearing the pages out of the books that were supposed to be read, whining the entire time they were in their car seats or grocery cart- my angels were transformed all day into….well, demons.
By the time bath time rolled around and they were throwing their toys out of the tub onto a wet puddle on the floor while simultaneously dropping little bodily “surprises” into the water that I found right as I lifted my “clean” babies out…I didn’t even like them.
I know I’m their mother. And I know I’m supposed to love them unconditionally, but I had had enough. My patience was stretched thinner than perhaps ever before.
As I carried them writhing and kicking to their separate beds, fed-bathed-in clean sleepers, I silently celebrated the end to a disastrous day. It’s not that anything dramatically horrible happened in the day (that I could at least get a story for my blog.) No, it was just moment after moment that was less than ideal culminating in a giant two against one fight for the trophy of control.
And I was losing.
A few minutes later when I went to check on them, they were both fast asleep (It’s amazing how fast acting out can wear you out, huh?)
After silently giving myself the point and final victory since I was the last man standing, I paused for a minute by their cribs.
Long eyelashes fell across flushed cheeks. Breathing was even; red lips slightly parted; pudgy hands relaxed against a blanket; the oh-so-active legs that had been running away from me all day lay still.
Maybe they were just storing up new energy to attack the next day. Maybe they were regretting how they spent their energy today (doubtful.) Maybe they were counting the ways that they love their mother (also doubtful.) Maybe they were giving into the weakness of their small frames only to wake up more powerful and stronger for a new day (very likely.)
Whatever they were thinking while they slept so beautifully, something strange washed over me.
Tension disappeared, my memory clouded the details of their disobedience and the entire day seemed much less horrible. A smile tipped the corners of my mouth and love that never truly left swelled to maximum capacity.
These are my babies. I love them- no matter how wretched the day.
Suddenly I missed them. They were right in front of me, but something about their angelic sleeping nature made me feel like I flown across the world for a weeklong business trip and hadn’t seen them since that tearful goodbye at the airport.
I missed them fiercely.
A short sigh in sleep and a burrowing in by a blonde head prompted me to reach down a hand to brush the strand of rebellious bang out of his eyes. As my fingers made contact with the deliciously warm forehead, something went dreadfully wrong.
The stirring seemed more pronounced. The legs started moving. A head shot up. Poised; ready for battle.
Hoping that somehow my body was obeying the “BE INVISIBLE” command that my mind was shooting it, I ran out of the room cursing my own stupidity. I tripped on a John Deere tractor left in the way, accidentally triggering the top button and I heard “NOTHING RUNS LIKE A DEER” followed by several loud beeps.
A cry. A sob. A scream.
And then of course his sister heard him and woke up to immediately match his impressive vocals with her wail, equally full of spit and vigor.
I ran until I was out of view, fell down onto my couch where I was supposed to spend the evening in quiet and peace, and wondered what it is about a sleeping baby that has the power to make it all seem magical and better…
…and why I greedily ask for too much and lose the power…every single time.
Chapter from Diapers, Onesies, Stretch Marks- Oh My! available on Amazon