But because I am tired. And fat. And tired some more.
I find myself wanting to write in a snarky way about the woes of pregnancy- but then I am so overwhelmingly thankful for the new life that is coming my way that I find myself unable to put words out there that could even slightly be construed as complaining.
I want to write in a "rah rah go team!" cheerleading way about Down syndrome and Down syndrome awareness month but then I remember that I'm the cheerleader with ankles so bloated that jumping up and down might endanger myself and everyone around me so I sit on the side of the arena with a snack, put my feet up, and give a thumbs up to those who are cheering.
I want to write about the joys of parenting toddlers- funny things that have happened with them- frustrating things that I am working through, but then I count the day a success if both kids are fed, some laundry is done, I find a pair of pants that fit, and Addison is hauled to and from school relatively on time. My computer is used to play a few minutes of Netflix before my nap as I listen to make sure my charges fall asleep before I completely pass out myself. Writing? I have a list of ideas stored up on my phone for when my brain returns to me.
The blog sits more neglected than ever before. (Note: last week this meant one post all week. ONE POST! If you were worried about me...with good cause. I kind of forgot I had a blog for most of the week because I was busy trying to remember my children's names.)
In times past this might cause some panic on my end. OH NO! I WILL LOSE READERS! Now...unless those readers are bringing me a tall glass of chilled whole milk (thank you sweetie)...I really could care less. The reasons I write have changed so drastically and my thought process behind blogging is constantly evolving. If I have times where the drive behind my blog is drifting a bit? There is a good reason. More important things are taking priority. Like napping. (and believe me...to keep up with Toddler1 and Toddler2 while hugely pregnant makes napping a necessity)
Today I attended Addison's first IEP meeting of the school year. Old Deanna would have gone in with her advocacy sword sharpened- ready to FIGHT and then run home to write a post all about it. Today's version of Deanna? Was very proud of Addison, extremely pleased with Addison's team, and positively radiantly joyful that she found a parking spot AND made it on time to the meeting while wearing a shirt long enough to cover HER ENTIRE BELLY.
This is something that I worried about. With Addison being our first, we had to make a choice- focus completely on Addison and giving her the attention and help she needs 100% of the time....OR divide that attention amongst siblings who can provide a family environment for her to thrive amidst for the rest of her life. Believe me, this was not an easy choice. And since we are now on Baby #3 in 4ish years...it's fair to say we chose to focus on the family aspect of this all. Was it the right decision? Who knows. I see children with Down syndrome who are only children doing AMAZING. I see children with Down syndrome growing up with close siblings doing AMAZING. I don't think there is a right and wrong here. I think it's a make-your-choice-and-live-with-it type of deal.
Thankfully Addison's IEP went extremely well today so there really wasn't much to fight about even if I wanted to (thank goodness). And hopefully my energy will be back up to normal fighting/writing level if the need should arise. But for today? I fed my family. I clothed my family. I took a nap. SUCCESS.
Oh yes, today I also started to listen to Christmas music. Because surely pushing this next month along seasonally will help push this last little bit of pregnancy along. Well, at least it doesn't hurt to try... (Plus, Christmas music helps with the pregnancy cranky....which I have discovered comes in much larger doses the more toddlers you are chasing around)
Also helps the "cranky"? Nice words from you. A wonderful lady came up to me at church on Sunday, and after giving me looks of profound pity and "YOU HAVE THAT MANY WEEKS LEFT AND YOU ARE THAT FAT???" smiles (Ok I made some of that up), she confessed that she has five children and she misses this stage. The unborn baby kicks, the toddlers, the having children at home in such a joyful stage. She just sent off her oldest into the big bad world post-college, and she wishes she could turn back time to when her kids were all little and under one roof. I'm sure she was slightly confused as to why I then started bawling...but turns out "the cranky" is close neighbors to "highly emotional" and I really appreciated her perspective. It helped me make it through the next
To sum up this very rambly post:
1. I just made up the word "rambly"
2. Christmas music in October is awesome
3. Addison is rocking out her school year and soon I will find the words to write all about it
4. Sometimes pregnant women get cranky
5. I am a bad cheerleader/advocator right now. And also- fat.
Me, the large unborn man child, and the tiny hand that reached out of nowhere and grabbed my leg. #shoppingwithtoddlers