Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Most Awesome First Day Ever. Just Kidding. I Totally Failed It.

First Day of School 2013

First of all- I wasn't even sure if it was Addison's first day. I knew that the school district started on the 28th, but when I asked the summer school teacher, she specifically told me that the preschool EEE program ran on a different calendar and didn't start the same day. But the night before, Aaron said "Hey, isn't Addison's first day tomorrow?" and I began to think...maybe...

My mind was still foggy on trip fumes, and the night before I couldn't find a letter from the teacher stashed anywhere. Did I get one? I found one from the school- that gave me absolutely no information as it seemed to be written more for the kindergarten parent. I tore the house apart looking and finally gave up. I would call the school in the morning.

So the morning of, I got up late (TIRED...and plus the kids slept in...of course) and unsure if I even needed to get her there by 8am.

When I went to get Addison, I found that she had taken off all her clothes and diaper and had peed all over her room. Of course. I would have to clean that up later. No time.

I tried calling the school, and they said that it was the start day for EVERYONE, but when the connected me to the teacher's classroom to make sure, my call went straight to voicemail.

I cursed that pregnancy limits my caffeine intact and sipped my mostly decaf coffee with a decidedly bitter attitude. So foggy. Why wouldn't my mind wake up?

Addison was contentedly eating her bowl of cereal at the table.

Carter was still asleep.

Addison's room reeked of urine.

We had fifteen minutes to get out the door.

Both carseats were uninstalled and sitting in the garage.

When I called Aaron to ask if he had installed them, he said that he forgot and was now stuck in school traffic.

School traffic. Of course it will take me extra long to get to school today. My fifteen minutes just got cut down to eight.

I checked on Addison and she had dumped her remaining cereal milk all over the table, herself, and the floor. Of course. There was a lot of milk remaining...apparently.

I quickly cleaned up, dressed Addison, and went to pack her snack, realizing that her old backpack was dirty from our trip. I tried to wipe it down best I could, but felt like a horrible mother when some brown (let's hope chocolate) smudges wouldn't come off the large yellow petals in the flower. I made a mental note to buy her a new backpack...later.

Meanwhile...Addison had undressed herself. Apparently she did NOT want to wear the gray tank top. So I found her a new shirt while begging her to keep her shoes/braces on.

Five minutes to go time.

I woke Carter up. He was crabby and started immediately running circles around the house, searching for who-knows-what.

I threw clothes on him, grabbed Addison's dirty backpack and sippy cup, and yelled "Let's go to the CAR!" with much forced enthusiasm.

As I opened the front door, I heard the sickening impact of two cars colliding on the street in front of my house. A car accident in front of my house that happened right in that moment.. Of course.

I finally rounded both kids up in the car with installed carseats (not an easy feat), left the driveway, and got stuck in that dreadful school traffic. I checked out the accident- just a fender bender thank goodness but definitely was slowing traffic even more.

We finally got to school- ten minutes late. There was no place to park.

The street was lined with cars double parked, and there was no available parking- anywhere. Of course.

I illegally parked and jumped out with the resolve to "drop her off quickly."

Since we were late- the back door was locked which meant that I had to drop her at the front door which meant that I had to find an elevator to go downstairs with my wagon full of toddlers.

The school was officially one billion degrees. I started to profusely sweat and almost immediately dehydrate.

I saw a small child cower in fear at one look of my makeup less face. I predict nightmares in that poor kid's future.

I had to stop at the office to request a key to get the elevator to work. After being trapped for too long on an elevator so small that the wagon almost didn't fit, we were finally released onto the right floor for her classroom.

No one was there.

After searching down a friendly face, I was told that they were out on the playground. Of course they were.

I dragged my wagon out there, now feeling like I had run a marathon. The heat was just getting worse.

The teacher looked confused to see me approach (crazy sweaty pregnant lady pulling a wagon full of kids does look suspicious, I know)

I said "I have Addison" and her face brightened up. But then darkened as she asked why I hadn't come to the special open house that she wrote about in her letter.

Letter? I didn't get a letter. Did I?

Apparently all the information I needed was given in that open house.  Feeling like a failure, I slowly hiked my swollen body and my squeaky wagon back to my illegally parked car with my son who had yet to eat any breakfast.

I loaded him up, drove to McDonalds, and split a breakfast with him.

I felt better.

Until we went home and checked the mail. Our mail is across a busy street, so it's hard for me to check it when I have both kids. With just Carter this morning, it was the perfect chance to catch up.

First thing I found? The letter from the teacher- sent to our house while I was away on my trip. Apparently after seven years of marriage...my husband has forgotten how to check the mail. once. during a three week period. (no bitterness here.)

The second thing I found? Some paperwork from our insurance that required action on my part TWO WEEKS ago or our health insurance was going to be cut off at the end of the months. WHAT?????? Paperwork I didn't know was coming.

I AM HAVING A BABY IN 12 WEEKS. ARE THEY CRAZY?????

My big list of "TO DO" while Addison was in school was completely ignored, Carter was stashed in front of the TV with Elmo, and I got on the phone for the next three hours and worked through the details of this insurance kink- completely not my fault. My blood pressure was through the roof. It was back to one billion degrees.

After finally getting that all settled (thank goodness), it was time to load Carter back up into the car. I had given him some yogurt while I was on my last call, and he had Greek yogurt everywhere. In his hair. on his shirt, on his leg, in his shoe. Of course he did. No time to clean him up. We were going to be late to pick up Addison.

I threw him in the car with a juice box (hey, what's a little sticky on top of it all?) and we headed back to get Addison. The insurance debacle left me feeling extremely stressed.

Still no parking. But lucky for me, my illegal parking spot was still open, so I claimed it a second time.

It had only gotten hotter out. I pulled the wagon down the hill to the back where her classroom is, and felt myself get overheated very quickly.

The door was locked. As I stood there awkwardly, wondering what to do and wanting to avoid that elevator again at all costs, I saw her whole class walking toward me.

They were going towards the playground where I was supposed to pick Addison up. WHICH I would have known if I had gone to the open house.

Because I didn't have all the info, the teacher paused with the entire class and stood there talking to me outside the building for a few seconds. The rest of Addison's class quickly began to scatter. Apparently she is with a bunch of other kids who are runners and who refuse to listen to STOP. Of course.

As all the aides scrambled to rescue children, the teacher decided to keep marching them on to the correct pickup location and the mother who did EVERYTHING wrong slunk back to her illegally parked car with two children now covered in apple juice (yes, they do share everything.)

As far as first days go? I think I failed it. Let's hope Addison has better luck with her school year.

This is the best picture I could get:
(dirty backpack not pictured. No doubt we left that at school or something.)

I'm sure you all will be rushing to get this posted on your Pinterest board of ideas of awesome ways to document the first day of school. Make sure you get the saw in the picture. That small detail really makes it.

Me? I've eaten my weight in m&ms today. But it's OK. I sweated them off during the whole school/sauna/hike experience this morning.

You? I hope your first days are awesome. They have to be. I took the fall for us all.


Like peanut butter on the fingers of a curious toddler, this post is begging to be shared.

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