Wednesday, June 19, 2013

That Sweet Neighbor Boy and a Zipper

Today I had a chiropractor appointment.

An appointment that I almost forgot about.

Mostly because today's schedule was full, and I was distracted. I had the rare treat of going out with a friend this morning. Breakfasting out, conversing and laughing- it was the real deal. And it was awesome. When I came home, not only had the children had a morning of hard play, but they had already been fed and were fast asleep. (I really have a fabulous sitter.)

Because of this, I was lulled into a false sense of security about the rest of the day. The house was quiet. And pretty clean. I climbed into bed with my computer and a bowl of fresh blueberries-still on a high from my morning out- and just relished the stillness.

It was then that I remembered the chiropractor appointment. I sent out some texts, rescheduling the afternoon to make room for the appointment. I realized that since I used my sitter time in the morning, I was going to have to tough it out and take the kids to the appointment with me. No problem! They were so quiet and peaceful...surely they could stay that way during a 5 minute chiropractor adjustment.

The time for the appointment was inching closer. The kids were still asleep. My worst fears were becoming my reality. I was going to have to wake them up so that I wouldn't be late for my appointment.

It's at this point that things get a bit hazy in my memory. I remember after waking them trying to get them dressed and find Addison's braces. I remember rushing them out to the car while enthusiastically shouting "CAR CAR CAR" to instill their usual excitement about a trip out. I remember the juggling game that is pinning them into their carseats. I remember getting stopped at every red light and a short trip turning into a long one. I remember arriving in a panic and out of breath- five minutes late for my appointment. I remember looking down and realizing that I was wearing flip flops instead of my supportive tennis shoes- guaranteed to earn me a lecture.

Now this is the chiropractor that I went to throughout Carter's entire pregnancy. For a while- twice a week. I have been going again for the past ten weeks to try to avoid some of the same hip/back pain that I had with Carter. We chat each visit about various things- enough to say that there is a rough history of knowledge present there.

But today was the very first day that I took both kids to an appointment with me. He had met Addison before because of the sheer number of visits during Carter's pregnancy. She tended to tag along more often than not. But he had never met Carter. Until today.

The visit went well (lecture about the shoes taking up most of the time.) The kids were whiny, but stayed buckled in the wagon and kept the shrieks to a minimum (win!)

But then at the very end of the appointment, the chiropractor pointed to Carter and said, "Now who is he again?"

"Wait, what?" I was confused.

"The little boy. Whose is he?"

"Um, mine."

"Wait. HE'S YOURS TOO?"

"Yeah, remember- you helped me through his pregnancy two years ago?"

"Oh man, I thought for sure you brought a sweet neighbor boy with you today. OH MY WORD THEY ARE BOTH YOURS."

At this point he turned a bit white and his eyes widened in disbelief. He had, after all, just helped me through a PRENATAL appointment and here I brought with me a wagon full of toddlers who still looked quite babyish themselves.

Meanwhile, I was encouraging the sweet neighbor boy to please stop kicking his sister in the head.

"Wow you have your hands full. No wonder you couldn't find clean socks in order to wear your tennis shoes today."

I held my dignity as closely as I could muster as the sweet neighbor boy began a crafty escape from his buckle in the wagon. Addison was crying because she had thrown her book out of the wagon and clearly it was my fault that she couldn't read it now. The wagon- tired from all our recent adventures- was creaking and groaning in protest as I tried to maneuver it out the door.

"They are both yours. I can't believe it. Wow you must be so busy. Gooood luck." He gave me a couple of extra back pats (free of charge!) while shaking his head and carefully backing away.

I smiled and kept my cool, telling myself that this appointment wasn't a total bust. I'm sure I did look like I was one missed nap time away from totally losing it- but I knew better. I had this.

And I truly believed it. Until I got home, unloaded Addison and the sweet neighbor boy, and discovered that the fly on my jeans was unzipped. And had been unzipped the entire appointment. You know when it's a really bad time to forget to zip your jeans? When you're all stretched out on the chiropractor table having your legs adjusted every which way to help with back issues.

Embarrassed? I don't have the energy to be embarrassed. The neighbors still haven't come to pick up their sweet little boy.

It's OK. The next time I see him I will have succumbed to the evil that is maternity pants. Because you know what maternity pants don't have? A zipper. Who cares about the expanding part. Those pants were invented for pregnancy brain. Pregnancy brain that refuses to remind you to take that one final zipping step.
Like peanut butter on the fingers of a curious toddler, this post is begging to be shared.

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