Wednesday, January 30, 2013

12 Reasons Why I am Super Boring

Yesterday it occurred to me just how shockingly boring my life is right now. I sat down at my computer to write, and as I pondered Facebook's life altering question "How ARE you?", my mind became a giant blank sheet of ice much like the ice lining the streets outside preventing me from running outside these days.

So how AM I, Facebook? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. (Feel free to read that with some sort of exotic accent).

Anyone else ever have days like that?

Lest you fear this is a confession that will leave me cowering in shame, I'm owning my boringness with pride and acceptance. I'm boring- so what? My life would make the kind of reality TV show that would advertised as a "True Snooze Fest" or "Better than a Sleeping Pill". No one's knocking down my doors with a camera anyway, so I think I'm OK. In my experience, super exciting drama is not always a good thing.

But instead of whining about how Kate Middleton gets all the fun in life, I'm making a list of exactly WHY I am perhaps the most boring person in the world to help break me through these winter writing block blahs. You're free to read this list or perhaps take a short snooze. Both might have the same effect.

Note: I'm not saying I'm BORED. Just BORING. There's a difference.

12 Reasons Why I'm Super Boring:
1. I advertise our weekly trip to the grocery store to Addison and Carter as a "BIG, exciting ADVENTURE!" with wide eyes and enough enthusiasm to convince them I'm serious. And let's face it, I'm just not that good of an actress.
2. I DON'T sing and dance while I fold laundry. Mostly my laundry folding includes discrete cursing and whispered promises to myself to "not let it get this bad next time" while I try to rescue pieces that are being carried off by tiny blonde people who needed that soft touch in their hoarded random item nest who knows where.

3. I don't have any big raises in my career coming up. Unless you count Carter's recent activities promoting me from "Janitor of the Vomit" to "Queen of the Vomit". After something happens enough times, you gotta spice up the title a bit (but not TOO spicy...right, Carter?)

4. My daily fashion includes mostly flannel pants and big sweatshirts. If a therapist isn't coming over (which happens less and less these days), I wear my pajamas until the kids finally go down for their naps and I get a chance to get dressed (into a cleaner version of the same thing). Well excuse me for thinking that tending to their constant needs is a little more important than squeezing into an outfit that will end up covered in tiny handprints of applesauce and Greek yogurt anyway.

5. My social life peaks out at witty texts, bi-monthly playdates, and daily interpreting of constant toddler gibberish. I know, I really should CALM DOWN.

Toddler gibberish goes something like this (in case you were wondering):
"Wow that is so interesting!"
"Tell me more!"
"Well of course I will give you extra vegetables!!!!!"

6. I'm not planning any exciting vacations. Unless...wait- we went to TWO grocery stores this week. That should count as something, right? Pretty exciting stuff right there. I took the kids for extra shots first to make sure their immune systems could handle the strange, new environment.

7. I see you reading this list and feeling sorry for me and my lack of planned fabulousness, and I DON'T EVEN CARE. I love my life.

8. Yesterday my big accomplishment was cleaning the microwave. Well, I did a ton of other stuff too, but that's the only thing that stood the test of time of 24 hours around here. A clean microwave. THAT'S what earns me the title "an accomplished woman". I'm just so proud. The other day I finally finished my Pinterest-inspired jewelry organizer, and I have yet to come down from the high.
9. As my hands comfort little ones who have fallen, change the millionth diaper, convince tiny mouths that they DO want to try this delicious mango, pick up toys, teach valuable life lessons "AND THAT IS WHY YOU DON'T TOUCH MOMMY'S COFFEE", assist the children in the bath who are convinced that they can do it themselves now, sing/read/dance with two toddlers who have way better moves than I do- my mind is overrun by words. Big words, little words, fat words, skinny words, snarky words, sweet words, confusing words, hilarious words, serious words. I tangle these words into creations that entirely over-dramatize the most boring life in the world (mine). And if for some reason I can't spend any time writing, I feel incomplete. Something big is missing. Writing is my crack. (Pretty sure this upgrades my "boring" to "Boring".)

10. My favorite time of the day is when two wiggling bodes are finally still in their beds overtaken by the goddess of sleep. I can then finish disaster clean-up in peace and collapse on the couch to watch what I want to watch. I dearly love that they're learning so much from Signing Time, but there's only so much of the "There's singing time and dancing time and laughing time and playing time but now it is our favorite time Siiiiigning Time" a lady can take before complete craziness takes over.

11. I write blog posts about being boring.

12. I'm too boring to come up with a twelfth reason. I know, you were really holding your breath over that one. Sorry to disappoint.

So to sum up, if an outsider would examine my life and my daily routines, I come out grade A BORING. But aside from slight winter blahs (that this post definitely is helping lift- I told you words were my crack), I'm totally OK with it because since my pace of life has slowed down so much, I don't miss anything in the life of two mischievous, hysterical, amazing, loving, disobedient, cute little children who call me Mommy (mostly just when they want something).

I have a feeling this pace is about to change dramatically as Addison enters preschool next week and my week will include DRIVING TO PRESCHOOL in the routine (twice a week) which let's face it is SUPER EXCITING and potentially DANGEROUS to drive that mile every day. (maybe reason 12 should have something to do with overdosing on sarcasm?)

Anyhoo, thank you for indulging me in my need to crack through my winter writer's block. If you're in a fabulous sunny location drinking smoothies on the beach with a personal massage therapist standing by, by all means share that information with me. After hating you for ten seconds (Ok thirty...minutes), I will then live vicariously through you and look forward to the day that that can be my life at the end of January too. (A girl can dream)

Meanwhile? I embrace boring and make it my own brand of fabulous. Because that's what boring people do.

1 comment:

  1. It's cool. My husband complimented my yoga pants the other day. I'm pretty sure it was the first time in days he had seen me in something other than flannels...


Thanks for reading about my Everything and Nothing. I would love to hear from you!