Monday, February 27, 2012

Half Caf Coffee Destroys My Life

Yesterday, I was shocked to discover that I had pulled a rookie coffee drink drinker mistake. I purchased a large canister of coffee at Costco last week...which after studying the labeling more closely honestly appeared to be 1/2 Caffeine.
*Edit: this seems to have been called into question by several readers, but my sleep deprived mind saw what it saw, so let me have this one little thing...it helps to have something tangible to pin a rough weekend on (-:
*Edit: If it is NOT 1/2 Caffeine...it is perhaps the weakest regular coffee I have ever tasted and should have the labeling re-looked at by a different team of advertisers because it is CONFUSING!
.
Yesterday when this was discovered, I typed the following FB status while sipping the weakened brew:
Just realized that the coffee that I bought in bulk this week says "1/2 Caffeine" in TINY letters on the back of the can. I feel that this should be illegal. More appropriate advertising would be LARGE BLOCK LETTERS on the front letting me know that this product will turn my mornings into a snooze fest.


Despite my horror at being "tricked" into buying something that was NOT full octane, I felt like I would be OK for a couple of days until I could drag my brood back to the store to get something stronger to mix this can with.

...but then it's as if my children somehow KNEW that a full night's sleep was a higher priority last night than most because the following happened:

1am I hear a small choking noise, so I run into Carter's room. Carter was sleeping peacefully, so I went into Addison's and discovered that she was vomiting all over herself, her blankets and her bed. I wake up Aaron (who claims not to remember this now) who replaced her bed linens while I changed her, brushed her teeth and got her a bottle of water (which she wouldn't TOUCH)

1:30 I go back to bed since she seemed to have calmed down

1:33 I hear more choking and crying

1:33 I go change Addison, her bed and blankets yet again (Aaron refuses to stir)

1:45 I stroke her hair and place a damp cloth on her forehead which seems to help her settle

2:00 I finally go back to bed

2:01 Carter wakes up to eat

2:02 Feed Carter a full 8 ounces which he quickly tucked away

2:20 I go back to bed

2:30  Desperate crying comes from Carter's room, I go running in not even taking the time 
to put my robe on

2:31  I pick up Carter

2:32 8 ounces of slightly processed milk comes spewing all over me, the rug in his room, his car seat that is right next to his bed, and my robe on the floor

2:33 I change Carter (who also has had a blowout diaper) and put him back in bed now happy

2:35 I change my pajamas, scrub the floor in Carter's room and add the laundry to the plastic bag of Addison's laundry from the night.

2:50 I go back to bed

3:00 Addison begins to cry and moan

3:01 I go stroke Addison's hair and get her a new damp cloth while trying to teach her to throw up in the tupperware container I gave her rather than all over her sheets

3:25 I go back to bed

3:30 Addison cries some more, I go back for more comfort duties. 

4:30 She finally lets me leave to go back to bed. I feel a spot on my arm that I didn't quite get all of Carter's throw up off. My hands are peeling dry skin from washing my hands so many times from between handling kids.

5:00 I finally fall back asleep/Addison falls asleep.

7:30 Carter wakes up to eat

8:00 Aaron wakes up and asks if I slept as wonderfully as he did

8:01 Husband gets murdered

No seriously, last night was rough rough rough. And THEN to wake up and realize that I only have HALF CAFFEINE to make it through today is just too cruel.

I wonder if mine will be the first lawsuit that their advertising team has gotten...

(oh and if you are a local contemplating stopping by with some real coffee, please don't. No need to share the germs and most likely I will still be in my pajamas...covered in that hour's flavor of vomit)


oh and just to warn you, this post will cross TMI, so read only if you have a high gross tolerance (wait, is that the right place to put this warning??? So hard to think without a clear head)

so, yeah...happy mondayzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Another Episode of "Aren't You Glad You're Not Me"

Taking two babies alone to an appointment is a bad idea. It's simple math. TWO babies. ONE mommy.

Even chocolate chip granola bars, bottles of milky goodness and Signing Time books cannot fend off the bad that is surely to descend upon you due to your poor decision of marching out that front door with a chubby toddler on one hip and a baby spilling over the edges of an infant carrier on the other.

Feeding off of each other's naughty energy, the two children who cannot say more than a handful of words between them communicate masterfully enough to pull off the perfect "two against one" plan that will leave their mother blushing, holding an injured child, and hoping for short memories in the professionals staring and note taking.

Today, the battle plan in "take down mother" included a little girl throwing the contents of the diaper bag across the room with such vigor and refusal to answer to "STOP" and "NO" that baby must be placed gently in the stroller- temporarily unbuckled.

After all, he will only be there as long as it takes to sweep up a 21 pound little girl and zip up a diaper bag.

During that fifteen seconds, after a nodded cue from the toddler, the baby WILL vault his body OUT of the stroller in such a surely-practiced way that when the mother looks back over, he is sitting on the floor in front of the stroller, smiling with glee at his acrobatic ways.

While mother is kissing baby and checking for bumps and bruises (there were none), sister decides hunger is the only thing that she can think of, and the granola bar wrapper that she has just emptied is no longer acceptable to her or her apparently starving self.

Cue: Screaming Child #1

After a few minutes of wrapping up the appointment over sister's dramatic cries, baby who has taken a brief snooze against mommy must be readjusted to move out of the appointment room. Upon being awakened and moved away from his soft and lumpy pillow (hey!)....

Cue: Screaming Child #2

Upon hearing the screams of Child #2 Child #1 raises cry up two octaves to insure the most attention for her chocolate needs.


Child #2 then refuses to go back in the front pack carrier as he is busy SCREAMING and KICKING and straightening his body into an ANGRY rigor.


Child #1 takes the opportunity to crawl quickly across the waiting room, still SCREAMING and now chasing down the other children.


The other children cower in fear at the little girl with a mouth full of jagged teeth that is barreling towards them. The mother is unable to chase her due to the flailing man child strapped to her throat.


Cue: Mother putting bag over head and becoming invisible to gaping, judgmental eyes of many parents sitting with quiet, well behaved children.

Taking two babies to an appointment (that edges into naptime) is

a bit like corralling two wild horses into a compact car.
or
two wild pigs into a pen designed for one
or
1,000 bumbles BACK into their home after hitting it with a baseball bat
or
an elephant into a size 4 wedding dress.

Wait, what were we talking about?

Oh yeah:

TWO CHILDREN FOR SALE
must have magical powers, the ability to juggle, eyes on the back of your head, 24 hours of streaming signing time, and a lifetime supply of chocolate.

may the odds be ever in your favor.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I never do Wordless Wednesday

well, never say never.
Big thanks to Joanne for the awesome stroller that has already enabled quite a few walks/runs!

(I'd like to buy a word (or two) to say that some of the pictures are pretty blurry because Addison wouldn't stop swinging even for a second...a girl in love! But had to share anyway because of her expressions!)

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

All the Things That I Don't Say

Do you get tired of random strangers in the store asking you super personal questions? I always think of a snarky reply that I DON'T say...but I'm getting rather tired of holding them all in. So rather than explode on some poor unsuspecting stranger on our next outing, I figured this was a healthier way to unleash the inner snarky.

you are welcome.

Dear Deanna,

What advice do you have for a new stay-at-home-mom?
Buy comfy pajamas- wear all day. Stock up on bon-bons and prepare for a life of leisure.

How do you go grocery shopping with two kids?
Very carefully. Oftentimes I'll try to convince one of the other shoppers that my kids are part of the weekly sale flyer.

Has that ever worked?
Once. The cuteness of Chubbs sucked the poor customer in. Unfortunately, she was returned back to me after eating uninvited the entire Costco bag of m&ms out of her new mommy's cart.

What is your cleaning strategy?
The Pediatrician told me that a little dirt can help enhance my children's immune systems. I take his advice very seriously.

What is the best part of the day?
The moment the coffee saturation in my system is complete

What is your favorite thing about motherhood?
Being constantly vomited on. Seriously that stuff is like liquid gold for your skin. I've never had such a great complexion. It's like getting a free facial every hour.

Are your kids twins?
Yes, but the second one just had to gestate for an extra nineteen months. That was the pregnancy that would never end.

Do you have plans for potty training your two year old?
Yes, she's in charge of changing her brother's diapers.

How does that help?
Never underestimate the power of empathy

How much coffee is too much coffee?
I don't understand this question.

If you were to give advice to a brand new mom, what would it be?
Hire a nanny, housekeeper and cook.

 How do you keep up with all the laundry?
That's why I had children.

Your children fold your laundry? Aren't they a little young for that?
No, that just explains why my laundry room has presently disappeared under giant piles of clothes. They're still getting to it.

How did you lose all of your baby weight?
A carefully regimented diet of surgery and spanx. (and man was it difficult to swallow that scalpel)

How many hours a day do you spend writing your book/blogging/facebooking/pinteresting/tweeting?
The number of profitable hours in a day minus my favorite TV shows plus that time I say I'll never get back but do, minus the hours each day I spend primping, plus the hours that my children do it for me.

You let your children on facebook?
Oh goodness no. Pinterest. They needed ideas for Mother's Day gifts.

Have you ever done anything as a mother that you now regret?
Well, I'm about to.

Could you explain?
I have plans to tell my daughter that the cookie monster killed the signing time lady so we shouldn't watch any more signing time out of respect (and shouldn't eat any more cookies so as not to encourage an evil murderer) I'm sure I'll regret no longer being able to eat cookies in front of her.

Do you have plans to have more children soon?
Could you explain to me how this works exactly?

How do you get your toddler to eat healthy?
I carefully plot out the food pyramid, spend hours sorting through nutrition books and planning exactly what she should have...and then I coat it all in chocolate.

What do you typically pay for an outfit for your children?
that ranges anywhere from free to sacrificing-marital-happiness budget breaking

I couldn't help but notice that you have brown eyes while both of your children have incredible blue ones?
I ate a gallon of blueberries every day while I was pregnant. What can I say...I found a good sale.

Why do you take so many pictures of your children?
I named my camera "The North Pole" and told them that's where Santa lives, so they're usually on their best behavior when it starts flashing in their faces.

Is there anything else you should be doing right now instead of writing this?
Well, the house is vibrating from the indignant cries coming from both the pink and the blue nursery, but I just figured that they realized that Daddy went skiing without them today. Guess I should go comfort them from his obvious neglect.

Why are you still here?
You're going to report me, aren't you.

Probably.
cool. Can you just make sure you spell my name with two "n"s..I do hate when people get my name wrong.

Got it. Making a note on the social workers chart now. Deanna with two "n"s
awesome...until later...

*Note: no children were hurt (or even left to cry) in the making of this blog post. read...sarcastic humor

Monday, February 20, 2012

Where did my baby go and who is this big girl?

Yesterday I was working in the living room when I heard a cry come from the pink nursery. Setting down my computer and rushing back, I knew what I should find:

a tiny helpless baby, crying to be picked up and cuddled; a little girl stuck in the pre-toddler stage; a small, delicate Chubbs with developmental delays.

Instead?

There was a big girl standing in her crib waiting for me. The full-blown toddler held out her arms and stared accusingly at me for taking so long to run to her while her rosebud lips parted slightly, her vocals said "Sign" and one chubby hand reached over her head and signed "Daddy"
She had undressed herself and unthreaded the seam in her pillow (how did she do this???)
You know how they say that anticipation is oftentimes more fun than the actual event?
Well for two years, I have anticipated Addison finally growing out of the baby stage, and I am happy to announce that she seems to have left it far, far behind....and it's WAY better than what I could have dreamed and hoped for...

At the first suggestion of toddlerhood I was teary eyed and wistful at how fast this time has gone.

Now?

I am loving it!

She's walking so much more, her vocabulary grows every day, she's into everything...

Even though her biggest problem right now is struggling to communicate with us, she shows incredibly strong cognitive/reasoning skills. If she wants something- she figures out how to get it! Seriously, she's so smart. (I'm not just saying that because I'm her mother...hehe)
"well hello there, lover" (signing time, of course)
 I don't know where the last two years have gone, but I have loved every minute of "baby" Chubbs and look forward to what "toddler" Chubbs has in store for us!
 even increased behavior like this:
It's incredible to see such a little person emerging from the cloud of her diagnosis and proving to us day after day that she's amazing, talented and smart. Love our Chubbs!
Happy Monday!

(psssst...it turns out that this 6 month dress fits waaaay better at 2 years than it did at 6 months...lol)

Friday, February 17, 2012

Virtual Life

Am I the only one who sometimes gets tired of the facebook, twitter, pintrest, blogging- virtual world we now live in? (guilty here)

I wake up in the morning and smile to see Addison pretend to kiss Carter and then sit on his face instead. What's the first thing I do? (after saving Carter from that oh so delicate hinny that was crushing his nose)

Make it my facebook status. And then tweet about it. And then look up on Pintrest about devices you can make to help protect noses from toddlers who like to sit on faces. And then read some other blogs about other toddlers who abuse their siblings and feel better about my mothering skills.

While I'm there, I find pictures on facebook to share on Pintrest, articles to read and retweet, and blog posts that I MUST go read and of course repost on all sorts of social media and then go stew about the fact that my own life is lacking in awesomeness and fabulousness that I see all around me in the virtual world.

After all, with two kids under two, sometimes the highlight of the day is JUST a wet diaper. YAY!

I'm not saying that the virtual world bugs me enough to actually stop attending all the important functions and exercising my right to the "LIKE" button. But sometimes?

Sometimes I just shut my computer, rid myself of reminder of everything I can't buy for myself or my children, the kitchen design that I can't pull off, that fabulous haircut that would NEVER work on me, or the achievements of other children that make me feel bad that my own kids aren't there yet.

After my computer is shut, I turn around, shaking like an addict going through withdrawal and then I see them.

Two pairs of clear blue eyes watching me carefully, two pairs of lips on the verge of smiles and laughter, one pair of chubby fingers forming signs, one solid chunk showing off rolling moves...

...two little 3D people who need my attention way more than that addicting virtual world.

I realize how important it is to take a break for a day or two to regain focus.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the ability to make virtual connections and network and communicate with those who are thousands of miles away, but sometimes? Sometimes I just need to put it away and be content with what's right in front of me.

While on this break, I also try something novel and new (besides dishes and laundry)...reading a hard copy MAGAZINE or book. (insert gasp of surprise) hint: it doesn't tell your entire friend base that you just read the article "How to REALLY get rid of diaper rash" and if you accidentally drop it during your bubble bath, you're out a couple of dollars instead of hundreds.

Oh and speaking of magazines.....if you happen to read this month's copy of Parents Magazine, yep and yep. We are humbled to be featured on page 117.( how's that for a segue)

I'm sure I'm the ONLY one who struggles with balance between real and virtual (hehe), but I thought I would just share my thoughts (as well as insert a shout out to Parents Magazine. THANK YOU!)

Now if you'll excuse me, hubs just walked in the door and is building a block castle with Addison while Carter looks on in envy, jutting his face a little too close to Addison's throwing range in hopes for some sisterly attention.

Now that's an event I want to attend, and LIKE, and tweet about in as many characters as I want to use, and describe in the kind of sickening detail that leaves people rolling their eyes in boredom.

Happy weekending....don't worry, I'll be back (after some uninterrupted basking in chubby deliciousness)

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Two Year Pictures

Lately I have become increasingly concerned with the amount of time that Addison has wanted to watch Signing Time. When I asked her therapists about it, they said not to worry because it was so educational (and she really DID learn so much with each watching).

Well, last Saturday when we had an appointment to get her 2 year pictures taken, I realized that I had a reason to be concerned.

She watched while eating breakfast so that I could get myself and Carter ready for the shoot. It was when I DARED to push that "stop" button that she lost it.

Cranky, crying, SCREAMING, saying "sign" over and over (and signing "chocolate"): I realized a valuable lesson. Having Down syndrome does NOT preempt Addison from the terrible twos, or becoming overly obsessive about something.

Addison has showed huge personality lately with very strong likes and dislikes (um, just like ANY two year old) which is frustrating to deal with because she pretends not to understand "NO" and such (she does), but at the same time exciting because this sort of aggressive behavior says promising things about her cognitive ability.

Anyway, all that to say, our photographer was A SAINT to still keep flashing the camera even when Addison was melting down (and of course Carter joined in the happy chorus). It was not our finest hour....

But I would say that Silver Spoon still got some great pictures. Here are my favorites:
What was she staring at SO intently? Yes, her DVD player with Signing Time (weak mommy)
Seriously, Carter and Addison looks SO MUCH ALIKE! To those people who say that individuals with Down syndrome don't look like their families, I say "LIARS!" (-:
I look at this picture of us and think "how is it possible that we have two kids and have been married for six years this summer?" seriously, time flies.
notice her glare (and granola bar)
a temporary break from sullen
ah yes, the terrible twos...
angry and yes, sullen once again
trying to pinch my lips off when I was trying to make her favorite speech therapy sounds in hopes to elicit a smile
the ticklish spot
those eyes slay me
wonder where they came from????
Thank you Silver Spoon Photography for putting up with us and the gorgeous pictures!

(and yes, Addison has been on a bit of a Signing Time hiatus...we are just now watching a few minutes here and there due to her barricading herself behind the couch and shouting "SIGN TIME" while two therapists were sitting by and watching how I would handle it. sigh.)

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I love you


No doubt you're expecting a mushy post about the unending love that I have for my husband. Sorry to disappoint.

I love my husband. We've been married for 5.5 years- our love is not celebrated one or two days a year, but every single day.

No, what I want to write about today is how much I love all of you.

Seriously, you're like the best blog readers ever.

This past month, I've been feeling rather blue. Probably a combination of things: my first winter to stay at home and not have an outside job to run off to every day, a dear friend announcing her move across the country, post baby hormone stuff, somewhat depressing weather here in Vermont, waiting waiting waiting to hear back from my editor....

So yeah, I haven't been quite myself. But lately I have really felt uplifted by all of your amazing comments, sweet emails, reposting of my ebook, and overall support. You guys are seriously awesome.

Last week I was particularly struggling and my friends went out of their way to spend more time with me, a blog reader/very dear friend did Addison's two year photo shoot totally for free (will post pics soon!), another blog reader randomly offered to give me her double jogging stroller that she is no longer using (I had just been pricing these bad boys out and was convinced that I wouldn't be able to run again until next winter when my husband was home during daylight hours again), and another blog reader came and gave my house a professional cleaning today (Christmas present from the in-laws. YAY!) The other night those of you on facebook put up with my snarky, snobbish comments while I graded Grammy performance and pretended that I was still a music teacher (it's OK to really miss this even though I love staying at home, right?) And I have now heard back from my editor and the next draft of No Guarantees is now under way!

For the first time in a month I am starting to once again feel like myself. A clean house, promise of many summertime runs with the children, cute pictures of my kids and my project to work on once again will do that.

All because of you.

I think Valentine's day is more than the romantic love that commercialism tries to use to get us to spend money. It's about showing appreciation for those in your life that mean a lot to you.

And that would be you.

Thank you for reading- thank you for commenting. I love you all- and appreciate you so much!

Happy Valentines Day!

(and oh yes, until he is STOLEN away by some snotty nosed little girl hehe...this is TOTALLY my valentine:)

Friday, February 10, 2012

What is the Sign for Chocolate?

So many of you asked the same question the other day, I'm popping in here quickly to answer.

What is the sign for chocolate?

Now if you're worried about my lack of an exciting Friday night...do not fear. In fifteen minutes I'm going to curl up on the couch with hubby and watch Shark Tank. I know, calm down...right?

but meanwhile, I wanted to answer...

just a heads up, this video could be subtitled "How Addison takes a sign and changes it to what she wants it to be....aka Addison's own sign language" But I do give you the real sign too. (-:
The Sign for Chocolate:

(and the "C" on the fist is supposed to move in a half circle motion)
it's certainly not Signing Time...but will work for now.

Happy weekend. (-:

Thursday, February 9, 2012

perfect

I am a perfectionist.

Unfortunately, I am not the convenient kind- obsessing with housework, laundry or organizing my car (just ask my husband...or anyone who even remotely knows me)

No, I am a perfectionist with the things that I do- such as performing a musical instrument or baking a cake.

This is why I have spent months following a musical recital in a constant state of moping because one note or phrase was missed...taking away from the ENTIRE performance in an unacceptable way (in highschool....ok fine maybe in college a little bit too...and grad school)

And then there was the infamous violin recital in 6th grade where I delivered a perfect performance of "Polish Dance" and then by mistake drew my bow over the strings too quickly for the final double stop- causing the entire last note to just be one very loud and embarrassing SQUEAK. When the audience began to clap, I stood there trembling and aghast thinking surely I wasn't allowed to bow now? I didn't deserve it- I had made a mistake. So of course I did what any levelheaded sixth grader would do- I glared in anger at the audience and stomped loudly off of the stage while holding my violin away from me as if it was on fire.

I have always struggled with requiring perfection of myself.

When I developed a pastry making fetish, this is why a batch of cupcakes went in the trash (more times than I would like to admit) because the decorated frosting didn't turn out exactly how I thought it should. And when having company over- if the layered chocolate cake turned out too short, I hid it in the basement and made another one because it had to be perfect.

I wouldn't do any sort of new activity that I couldn't automatically do perfectly. (yes, this was very limiting)

When Addison was born, my world was rocked in an unchangeable way. Who had time to worry about being perfect when you had to remind your body to pull that next breath?

I found that I needed to say some not-so-pretty things that I was feeling before my head absolutely EXPLODED. At the time writing seemed the best way to vent. My writing wasn't perfect or polished. It was tales from a broken mom attempting to claw her way back to sanity one poorly worded sentence at a time.

As Addison fought to live and then struggled for good health, I found myself inspired. She was working so hard for simple abilities that I had taken for granted my entire life- breathing, eating, developing normally. Why couldn't I then work hard to get better at this new skill of writing? Why couldn't I perhaps place my raw emotions on paper in a more eloquent way to hopefully help another broken mom who didn't know where to turn?

That's why I've been writing, writing, writing for the past two years and reading all the books I can get my hands on and forcing friends under duress to read my carefully chosen words and give opinions so that I could then revise yet again...(I love you all)

but through every novel draft and every blog post and every thought of the ebook, I heard a little voice inside me screaming "IT'S NOT PERFECT ENOUGH STOP STOP STOP"

So when I found an extremely negative review of my ebook Dreams Change last night, it hit hard, bringing back all of those insecurities and constant fight for the perfection that I temporarily abandoned in my quest to be helpful while still engaged in the classroom of writers-wanna-be (You know, taught by Dr. Yeah Right)

I take criticisms very hard- mostly because when one is whispered to me, I then turn on myself, magnifying the criticism in a crippling and all consuming way.

A meltdown might have ensued. I failed. Because my ebook is not perfect.

But then I remembered why I wrote Dreams Change
-to document our journey these past few years (putting together the relevant blog posts into one spot)
-to provide honest thoughts for the others that might be struggling to put one front of the other, unsure how this new diagnosis is going to affect their lives
-to show a small peek into life with a special needs child
-to be able to provide a small side income to keep up with the very expensive medical bills of a million dollar baby

and I remembered that the journey that I was chronicling was far from perfect. far. from. perfect.

I deliberately left some of those blog posts in very rough form- just as I originally wrote them, preserving the emotions with which I first typed them with shaking hands.

I deliberately included how God helped me through the hardest time of my life. Because he did. And I could not have made it without him.

Truly, this ebook chronicles the first time in my life that I was forced to throw away perfectionism and simply survive.

Since then, I have decided to live loudly- making mistakes- but really LIVING for the first time. Growing and TRYING- knowing that this means many failures along the way.

it's freeing to fail.

Mistakes will happen. My work will not be perfect. But I am no longer limiting myself the way I once did.

It's the smudge on the painting that makes it one of a kind.
It's the freckle or mole that's considered a beauty mark.
It's the lone flower surviving in that ditch that makes your day.
It's the wrong ingredient put in a recipe that gives you an idea for a new dish.
It's getting lost around town that shows you an awesome new place to eat lunch.
It's the wrong notes that puts a fresh sound into a composer's ear.
It's the stain on your child's clothes that inspires you to cover it with a fun button or patch
It's buying the wrong thing that helps make clear what the right thing truly is
It's the humbly worded ebook that helps a mom decide to keep the pregnancy of a recently diagnosed baby.

What's so wrong with imperfection?

You should see Addison work at new goals. Sister knows how to get it done, failing time and time again until that moment of success arrives in a blinding flash of pure genius. I want to be more like her.

I am a constant work in progress- learning, growing, improving every day. But isn't that what life is all about? If you're several steps ahead of me and want to look over your shoulder and judge me- judge away. Clearly you've forgotten that you were once here yourself.

I appreciate more than I can ever say the many kind things that so many of you sent my way about my ebook.

Thank you from the bottom of my far-from-perfect heart.

Why did this one criticism tear me apart so much? Because they said that my work wasn't perfect. And that's a constant inward battle that I fight.

But I do think that I won this inward battle.

Because I'm OK with with the criticism, and I'm keeping on keeping on with my slow growth as a writer because the reason why I started doing this in the first place is far more important than my hurt little pride.

Here's to living loudly. Making mistakes. And reveling in imperfection.

Because how else will we learn?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I took the wrong baby with me today

Addison at 5 months:
Take to hair appointment...asleep in her carseat. She will continue to sleep the entire 60-90ish minute hair appointment, waking to sleepily smile at the hair dresser and then fall back asleep on the way out with you and your fabulous hair cut.

Carter at 5 months:
Take to hair appointment...asleep in his carseat. Once you are completely committed to the hair cut (hair washed and first snips taken out) he will wake up and whine for attention. When the receptionist comes over, he will flirt with her for ten minutes...just enough time to have your hair halfway cut. Just when you think you're home free, he will begin screaming bloody murder (offending the receptionist who assumes he's screaming at her) and rattling your hairdresser. He will then refuse to be comforted by anyone. You WILL leave with a halfway done hair cut with a little boy who finally settles down once you're outside.

sigh.

Getting an impromptu short little haircut today was a bad, bad, bad, badbadbad idea....

and if you're thinking how naive I was to take him in the first place...don't judge. Addison was always so good for haircut time...how was I to know that wasn't normal???? (I would like to go back in time and thank that awesome 5 month old version of Addison. I totally didn't appreciate her enough.)

now for some online hat shopping...

Monday, February 6, 2012

the birthday

just in case you wanted to see a big two year old girl dressed for cold weather taking another skiing lesson...
(I started posting pics and videos on facebook, and then quickly realized it would just be easier to compile them all here)

I present to you Skier Chubbs:

(notice what she's doing with her legs in this first video)
We've noticed that the skiing has HUGELY helped her ability to stand independently for longer periods of time, and has REALLY strengthened her legs!
She was so much more confident this time and went to the top of the bunny hill for the first time! Could not be more proud.
with her ski instructor, of course.
"I'm TWO, so I can stand all by myself!"
a morning full of therapies, a long nap, skiing, swimming...it was a big day for Miss Chubbs
Thank you very much for the well wishes. She had a wonderful day!