Thursday, November 29, 2012

Cyber Week Madness

Cyber week is killin' me.

At first I found the concept wonderful. As a stay-at-home mom with two tots that are difficult to drag to the store (readL: they want to walk anywhere BUT into the store), online shopping is my cup of tea coffee. And then when a form of Black Friday would be reality for me (read: lazy shopper in pajamas clicking a button while lying in bed and ordering Christmas presents), I was happy. Oh so happy.

Until these "cyber week" emails just WILL NOT STOP. I have gotten "cyber special" emails constantly this week (cyber week=an excuse to spam the heck out of your email list and call it "good will toward shoppers")

All of them advertise a deal. $10 off, free shipping, 50 PERCENT OFF, Buy One Get Ten Free, Trade In Your Husband For Credit....and you must do all of them RIGHT NOW while standing on your head and whistling "All I Want For Christmas Is You" to get the site to work since there's so much traffic competing for the very same object that will be fought over at January White Elephant gift exchanges all across the world.

After the first few deals were emailed to me, I was all over Cyber Week. All right, I WILL save $10 on Christmas presents that I was going to buy anyway. Why not? But after an hour of searching their site to find one present that would work for my list (but being tempted by twenty things that would work perfectly for ME), I discovered that even though I would save $10 for spending $40, I couldn't get free shipping UNLESS I spend $75 which meant that my $10 saved in the name of "cyber week" turned into a $9.98 shipping bill. WHOHOOOOO 2 cents saved!!!!

Alert the masses. The DEAL OF THE YEAR.

Unlesssssss.....I almost double the amount I spend and therefore save $10 while spending $35 more when all of the other items that would work for my Christmas list are out of stock anyway.

Um OK, you got me. That's an hour I'll never get back (plus I still have an empty Christmas list to fill).

So I never thought I would say this. But I am SICK of Cyber week. Over it. Done. I'm tired of the "deals" that make you panic and make you feel like all the good in life will disappear if you don't order RIGHT NOW using their special code. I'm exhausted from hitting "delete" all day from these spammy emails from sources that I might normally consider my friends. (Gap and Express, I'm talking to YOU) The stress of worrying that I might miss that one magical item on its special deal THIS FIFTEEN MINUTES ONLY is just not worth it to me.

Dear Online Shopping,

I think we might need to take a little break. I KNOW Christmas is coming, and I KNOW that I've only filled 2% of my shopping list. But I'm going cross-eyed from constant advertisements for things that I didn't realize that I needed until RIGHT NOW. You say that it's my lucky day because it's 60% off AND it will be delivered to my house by SANTA riding a motorcycle with his choir of angels singing "Jingle Bells" in the language of my choice, but I just don't believe you anymore.

Circle of Trust? broken.

It's not me. It's totally you. You've gotten annoying. You used to be a valuable tool to help this ol' mom out. But now you are #1 on my REASONS I AM GOING CRAZY list. Just stop with the emails. Please. Just. Stop.

Also, you've turned one of my best friends against me. Facebook used to be a pleasant distraction, but now it's just one of your little evil elves designed to make my life miserable until I give you my PayPal Login information in return for....junk that I don't need anyway. You said that I was special...but am I just ANOTHER CREDIT CARD TO YOU??????

You're not worth all of this pain. I think we should see other people. You are turning "the most wonderful time of the year" into "the time of year when you think you own me".

I was thinking....a a Starbucks an afternoon of schlepping around town to hold those real-time objects that are ACTUAL size and I know really what I'm paying for without having to make extra trips to the Post Office because it seemed "bigger and bigger" in bright lights on your site than it did in that measly brown bag that soaked in the snow for a few hours before I found it.

Sorry that things had to end this way. Could we still be friends?

The Mommy Grinch

p.s. I WAS holding it together until I unsubscribed from several lists and then KEPT getting ALL the emails with the subject line "See What You're Missing". Seriously?

p.s.s Oh, and please ignore all of the boxes from Target on my back deck. Target is the exception to every rule.

p.s.s.s. I will mostly likely be back after things cool down and we can talk this through calmly. I do have 98% of my list to fill after all...but by using your math, I should just be happy with the 2%, huh... about you? Are you as annoyed at Cyber week as I am? Or are you out there sweeping up those items that were out of stock when I tried to buy them? (-:  (I will love you anyway....well, maybe)

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