Monday, October 22, 2012

Terrible Twos

You know you've hit the "terrible twos" stage (times two) when...

1. All the surfaces in your house (windows, refrigerator, cabinets, walls) under three feet are liberally decorated with tiny hand smudges, and you just don't even care any more.

2. You look at your white couch covered in brown splotches and try to remember why you thought that white was a good idea. (yep. will be needing a new sofa! I can't even post a picture of this...waaaay too embarrassing)

3. You end a typical morning of play covered in blood from your rough-housing son's head wound with melted blue Popsicle covering every inch of the hardwood floors, and yet you just grab another cup of coffee and keep going.

4. You forget about the blood all over you until the UPS man stops by and compliments you on "your costume"

5. A "quick run" to the grocery store involves two hours of get-out-of-the-house prep time, fifteen minutes of carseat buckling (times four), a half hour's worth of muffin nibbling spread around the grocery store, and five minutes of blessed peace sitting in the driver's side slowly sipping a sweet tea that won't be spilled all over you.

6. When you get home and finish the one hour unload/trick-the-kids-back-into-the-house, you discover that you forgot to buy the one item that prompted your trip in the first place.

7. If the little ones refuse to nap, you begin to wonder if you can do this another day, and you start sending texts to your husband about a adding "vasectomy" to his Christmas list while writing blog posts about how much you miss your sanity.

8. You put up with the crunch crunch crunch underfoot from granola bars combined with goldfish crackers with a slight sprinkling of cheerios because it's a snack they can "fetch" themselves so sweeping it up during the day seems pointless.

9. Your husband comes home asking you to remove the painful "thing" entangled in his leg hair just below the knee. Upon closer examination, you discover a pre-moistened fruit snack that Addison so lovingly left for her Daddy on his side of the bed.

10. You remove that fruit snack as slowly as possible so that the "pain" of the terrible twos is shared just a bit more equally.

11. You fervently deny #10

12. You love to watch your children peacefully sleep. You think about what a blessing they are and how much you love them, but when they begin to stir because they can hear you breathing, you run cursing out of the room.

13. While writing a post like this one, you see two saws, a crowbar and a can of spray paint next to your computer because that's the only place curious hands can't reach them.

14. You post lots of adorable pictures because it helps you focus on the "cute" and not get lost in the "mess"
15. You have to stop writing now because you just discovered some yogurt smudged on a shift key with a suspiciously tiny fingerprint....so you have to use these last few minutes of naptime to go find a new hiding spot for the saws, crowbar, and spray paint.

16. You forget to publish this blog post until after the kids are awake and then
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