Monday, July 30, 2012

To Samantha Brick

Clearly you have done some sort of half-hearted homework, gathering inaccurate statistics and emotional arguments to soothe your conscience should you need to dispose of a baby with Down syndrome. It's almost as if you have talked to a smooth-talking car salesman who has given you the pitch and completely won you over because you're interested in the color and style of the car instead of whether it actually runs or not.

I have a news flash for you. You aren't buying a car. Or a house. Or a designer bag. Or a vacation.

All of those things you can pick out and resell or trade back in in if it wasn't the product you thought it would be.

But what you're talking about here is a person.

"I actually think it would be selfish to HAVE that baby because of the impact on the local health services, the cost of raising that child and the support it would need." -Samantha Brick

I admire you for all you have to go through to become pregnant in the first place. Infertility struggles are not a laughing matter.

But please remember. You are creating a life, not putting in an order for French fries.

For you to openly say that you will most likely dispose of "it" if the tests came back positive for Down syndrome clearly shows that you completely misunderstand what being a mother is all about.

Some might think that motherhood is about having the baby that you see when you close your eyes, inhale baby powder and picture those pudgy hands wrapping around your neck. When you blink, you see that same baby as an adult- brilliant and highly successful.

It turns out, that is a lie that Hollywood tells us to sell movies.

Motherhood is about accepting whatever gift you have been given and loving that gift for the unique person that he/she is. Motherhood is about taking the cooing smiles AND the dirty diapers. Motherhood is about the days that you love life AND the days that you think you can't last another hour. Motherhood is about celebrating the developmental milestones that happen ahead of time AND the ones that are delayed. Motherhood is about reveling in the moment and refusing to set your sights on a specific future because you know that you can't control what is coming.

When you become a mother, you don't get to pick parts out of a Mr. Potato Head bucket and piece together the baby of your dreams. Motherhood doesn't involve a receipt for return purposes. When that baby tests positive for something that you deem a tragedy, you don't get to will that baby out of existence just because it's inconvenient to you or your family.

Motherhood by its very definition is inconvenient no matter how many chromosomes your baby has. You are the person who is supposed to love that baby more than anyone else.  Why is your love so shallow that you wouldn't even want your baby to have LIFE because of something that wasn't part of your sugar coated dream of motherhood?

So you recognize that raising a child with Down syndrome is hard work. But how does your brain then skip from there to saying that the baby deserves death? Why wouldn't you at least consider giving up your baby for adoption to a family who would be willing to put in the work?

Why wouldn't you give a simple chance at life to the baby that you worked so hard to get JUST BECAUSE "it's" not what you ordered?

This isn't a hamburger that's too cold. Or a pizza with the wrong toppings.

This is a baby. There's nothing you can do to guarantee what that baby will be like or what his/her future will look like. And to decide whether this baby should live or die merely because of number of chromosomes does't sound very fair to the baby. What's next? Male/female? Color of hair? In-womb personality tests?

If that's your attitude toward motherhood, I suggest you stop the IVF treatments and get a puppy. No, not a puppy- a pet rock. 

Because a baby isn't an accessory, but a life. And if you're already listing reasons why you would kill that life before it is even created, it seems to me that you don't understand the value of life enough to be trusted with the title of "mother".


  1. Wow! I don't think you left anything out Deanna!
    Props to you.
    And if anyone feels that they have the tiniest right to criticize this post-you will only show your complete lack of knowledge.
    People who have the right to share as Deanna has-earn that right-by walking the talk!
    So for those of you who don't get it-I am sad for you. You will never know or feel what a mother of a challenged child knows and feels. ALL of the emotions, ups and downs, but most sadly, you will never know UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Because you choose not to keep the precious life you were given. And that proves your selfishness.

  2. Had to Google who this brick person is, never heard of, and really could not interest me less what "it" thinks of anything... But well put, Deanna, well put. Hope "it" gets to read your post some day soon... :)


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