Some of you wonderful mothers who I look up to and aspire to be like DO have children my kids' ages, so we're going through a lot of the same things....BUT a lot of you also have older kids. You know, human beings who talk to you?
I have complained to some of you about my dilemma, and I hear that the repetitive questions "why why WHY" get very old and that sometimes you long for the days of silence back again. I realize that there are new challenges in that next phase when you have offspring who actually verbalize their thoughts and opinions to you.
But right now, I spend my days with two human beings...in complete SILENCE except for occasional "DOG!" and "MEME!" and smacks on the palm from "CHOCOLATE" being signed so vigorously.
And honestly, sometimes the silence makes me go a little bit CRAZY. OK, not a little bit at all. A LOT crazy.
A girl's gotta do what keeps her sane, so sometimes I deliberately shake things up.
Sometimes I read books in a super thick southern accent that sounds a little bit Jamaican. (usually for the 2nd or 3rd reading...Addison LOVES book time.)
Sometimes I play dead in the middle of the floor to see what they'll do. Will they fling themselves out the front door screaming for help? Will they cry great tears of anguish? Usually Addison climbs on my stomach and signs "horse" while giggling.
Sometimes I take a word out of the (one sided) conversation and howl it over and over again like I am a wild animal until my throat gets sore and I feel that it's time to go make another pot of coffee.
Sometimes I spend hours speaking only in rap (utilizing the word "Mommy", of course). And when I run out of original material, Dr. Seuss books make fabulous raps. This white momma may not have the moves....but she has rhythm. Well, enough to dissolve two certain children into piles of laughter anyway. (this falls under the category of things I WILL NEVER DO IN PUBLIC)
Sometimes I make up fake conversations out loud while feeding them.
"And Carter here are some carrots for you."
"FOR ME??? You shouldn't have. You're the best mommy EVER."
"No seriously, the best."
"Stop it, Carter. I'm blushing."
"Well excellence like yours should be acknowledged. I love you. And I'll never leave you."
"I knew you wouldn't. I look forward to growing old with you here to take care of me."
"Anything for my mommy. Have I told you how skinny you're looking lately?"
Usually while I'm narrating, he stares at me with wide blue eyes with a hint of a smile. I'm sure the words that I put in his mouth are exactly what he meant to say.
Sometimes we do long and wild dances around the living room to Glee selections on Disney Pandora while singing lustily along and pretending that we know the words. Addison especially loves to be dipped so low that she thinks that she's going to fall headfirst onto the floor. Carter is a more conservative dancer preferring to have his head upright at all times.
Sometimes I strip both kids down, give them each a wet sponge and place them at their picnic table. While they happily scrub away hardened bits of yogurt I put my feet up and pretend that I'm giving instructions to an invisible housekeeper. This lasts as long as it takes one of the kids to start eating the sponge....so usually about 23 seconds. I've learned to pretend fast.
I take my job teaching two little people that CRAZY=NORMAL very seriously, and this particular version of crazy helps fill the long silences. I plan to continue until I hear some verbalized complaints (hehe).
No doubt those will be Carter's first words
"crazy mommy. stop."
said in his own version of a rap with a touch of a southern accent....of course.