Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Orange Snow?

Motherhood is fickle.

Like really, really fickle.

One minute you are beaming with pride because your little girl confidently walked her plate to the dishwasher, placed it inside and then excitedly clapped for herself.

And the next?

You're standing in horrified silence as your two year old makes "snow angels" in a very large pile of throw up deposited by little brother on the living room floor.

She is smiling and laughing with glee while bathing in her brother's rejected stomach contents.

You can't reach her fast enough. Your movements turn to slow motion while hers rockets into x132 fast forward.

All of the mess is soaked up onto her flailing arms as she carefully works to reach even the farthest corner of the offending pile while scooting her back around to assure best cleanup results.

And she looks pleased with herself. Very pleased.

And little brother is still covered (and watching big sister VERY curiously "Sooo, right to left absorbs the fastest?).

And you are covered from the original deposit.

And the floor is wet and discolored from where it was just covered.

And while you stare in shock, trying to figure out which disaster to tackle first, the said two year old takes those same "cleaning" hands to finish little brother's snack that prompted the vomit episode in the first place.

She grins at you while stuffing pieces of mango in her mouth with dirty hands.

And you wonder.

How do you explain that while "DISWASHER" Addison is very helpful

"MOP" Addison is the grossest thing you've seen in a looooooong time.

Motherhood.Is.Fickle.

On a completely unrelated note:

A couple of things I learned today:

1. Carter hates mangos. (really, really, really hates them-will throw up EVERYTHING after accidentally swallowing a tiny piece of the "poison" that mom forced him to taste)

2. Saying "NOBODY MOVE! I'm going to go get a rag to clean this up!!!!" to two toddlers in a room full of vomit is like saying "WHO CAN EAT THE MOST CANDY WHILE I'M GONE?" It's a stupid thing to say.Yes, sadly I learned that for the first time today.

3. Carter had carrots for his midafternoon snack (even though I wasn't here to administer said snack)

4. Chubby cuteness can double as "Chubby Pure Evil"
DON'T BE FOOLED!!!!

and....don't trust the floors in my house until I've had a chance to steam mop them a couple of hundred times...(in a few years???)

Dear Addison,

if you want more housework responsibilities, could you please leave the bodily fluid cleanup to the professionals? I hereby give you....

LAUNDRY??????
love,
Meme
(that's what she calls me now...when she's angry- "NO MEME!" rings around our house in girlish tones quite often.)

p.s. I'm very proud of you for putting a bathroom drawer back together after I asked you to clean up your mess of pulling it apart....and for licking your fork clean and putting it in the silverware drawer...but turning yourself into a human mop is where I draw the line. Horrible housekeeper though I might be, I still have a line of what is and what isn't OK....and that line? is a dot to you.

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