Monday, February 27, 2012

Half Caf Coffee Destroys My Life

Yesterday, I was shocked to discover that I had pulled a rookie coffee drink drinker mistake. I purchased a large canister of coffee at Costco last week...which after studying the labeling more closely honestly appeared to be 1/2 Caffeine.
*Edit: this seems to have been called into question by several readers, but my sleep deprived mind saw what it saw, so let me have this one little thing...it helps to have something tangible to pin a rough weekend on (-:
*Edit: If it is NOT 1/2 Caffeine...it is perhaps the weakest regular coffee I have ever tasted and should have the labeling re-looked at by a different team of advertisers because it is CONFUSING!
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Yesterday when this was discovered, I typed the following FB status while sipping the weakened brew:
Just realized that the coffee that I bought in bulk this week says "1/2 Caffeine" in TINY letters on the back of the can. I feel that this should be illegal. More appropriate advertising would be LARGE BLOCK LETTERS on the front letting me know that this product will turn my mornings into a snooze fest.


Despite my horror at being "tricked" into buying something that was NOT full octane, I felt like I would be OK for a couple of days until I could drag my brood back to the store to get something stronger to mix this can with.

...but then it's as if my children somehow KNEW that a full night's sleep was a higher priority last night than most because the following happened:

1am I hear a small choking noise, so I run into Carter's room. Carter was sleeping peacefully, so I went into Addison's and discovered that she was vomiting all over herself, her blankets and her bed. I wake up Aaron (who claims not to remember this now) who replaced her bed linens while I changed her, brushed her teeth and got her a bottle of water (which she wouldn't TOUCH)

1:30 I go back to bed since she seemed to have calmed down

1:33 I hear more choking and crying

1:33 I go change Addison, her bed and blankets yet again (Aaron refuses to stir)

1:45 I stroke her hair and place a damp cloth on her forehead which seems to help her settle

2:00 I finally go back to bed

2:01 Carter wakes up to eat

2:02 Feed Carter a full 8 ounces which he quickly tucked away

2:20 I go back to bed

2:30  Desperate crying comes from Carter's room, I go running in not even taking the time 
to put my robe on

2:31  I pick up Carter

2:32 8 ounces of slightly processed milk comes spewing all over me, the rug in his room, his car seat that is right next to his bed, and my robe on the floor

2:33 I change Carter (who also has had a blowout diaper) and put him back in bed now happy

2:35 I change my pajamas, scrub the floor in Carter's room and add the laundry to the plastic bag of Addison's laundry from the night.

2:50 I go back to bed

3:00 Addison begins to cry and moan

3:01 I go stroke Addison's hair and get her a new damp cloth while trying to teach her to throw up in the tupperware container I gave her rather than all over her sheets

3:25 I go back to bed

3:30 Addison cries some more, I go back for more comfort duties. 

4:30 She finally lets me leave to go back to bed. I feel a spot on my arm that I didn't quite get all of Carter's throw up off. My hands are peeling dry skin from washing my hands so many times from between handling kids.

5:00 I finally fall back asleep/Addison falls asleep.

7:30 Carter wakes up to eat

8:00 Aaron wakes up and asks if I slept as wonderfully as he did

8:01 Husband gets murdered

No seriously, last night was rough rough rough. And THEN to wake up and realize that I only have HALF CAFFEINE to make it through today is just too cruel.

I wonder if mine will be the first lawsuit that their advertising team has gotten...

(oh and if you are a local contemplating stopping by with some real coffee, please don't. No need to share the germs and most likely I will still be in my pajamas...covered in that hour's flavor of vomit)


oh and just to warn you, this post will cross TMI, so read only if you have a high gross tolerance (wait, is that the right place to put this warning??? So hard to think without a clear head)

so, yeah...happy mondayzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

15 comments:

  1. do you think Addison might take some flattened gingerale from her bottle?
    or maybe some sips from a cup? it's horrible to throw up and be thirsty, etc., etc.

    my heart goes out to you today.....

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  2. Oh sweetie, that sounds horrible. I kind of smiled when you said that you put a damp cloth on Addison's head. That's what I ALWAYS did for my kids. A cool cloth to the head somehow always makes a person feel better :)
    Hugs to the sick babies and to mama, too.

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  3. Hi Deanna,

    I write from Spain. Came across your blog some days ago and I love it!!. I look forward to the updates every day!!.
    Sorry, know it can sound cruel,but I cracked up after reading about your night....It seems those 2 bundles of joy caught a bug....

    By the way, read in another post you were asking about the use of Ipad for educational purposes with children. I also follow a blog of a Mum to 2 adopted girls with DS; she's a Special Education teacher and gives lots of advice ,ideas and resources ( one of her girls is 3 years old). She also uses the Ipad with her. Give you the blog address, just in case you want to have a look....Her girl is also crazy about Signing Times, just as sweet Addison. ;-)

    http://angeleyesadoption.blogspot.com/

    Have a wonderful day and hope you get a good sleep tonight :-)

    Maria

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  4. Oh, hang in there, Deanna!! KM had that awful vomit every 30 min bug, too, a few weeks ago. I thought I would die. And yes, your hands get SO raw washing between kids. I'll pray for you this morning. Hang in there!!

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  5. I forgot to add that she did finally eat ice chips that I pureed in our blender to make "snow." She liked that and could actually keep it down. Maybe Addison could handle that?

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  6. I'm so sorry that you had such a horrible night! Hopefully everyone is feeling better soon and you get your new coffee :-)

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  7. Oh dear! HOping those sweeties feel better soon so you can all get some sleep. And make sure Aaron brings real coffee home tonight.

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  8. First and foremost, whoever designed that coffee canister deserves to be FIRED. Half-caf should have a big warning, like cigarettes.

    Also, here's hoping and praying that both your babies are back in full force soon!

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  9. Oh you poor thing! I think I would have just run away to Starbucks and stayed there until the kids were better! Hope they feel better and you survive.

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  10. Ugh! The puking bug has been going around where we are like crazy! I am so sorry you have to deal with it!

    I don't think your coffee is half decaf though. The back of the can is showcasing all of the different coffees they offer. The label on the front of the can is different from the 50% decaf label on the back and the little chart on the bottom is showing the different types they offer in the different roast levels. I think you're good to go with 100% caffeine coffee. ;)

    Good luck with the puking bug! I hope it misses you and that it goes by quickly for the kids!

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  11. Poor thing. Its never fun when the kiddos are sick. And the coffee thing is rather like a kick in the teeth, isn't it? 'Magic" coke and popsciles work best at our house. And pedialite makes popsciles too. I keep some in the freezer ready to go and a box in the cupboard for back up. They don't taste nearly as good as regular popsciles but they are handy to ward off dehydration.

    I hope they feel better soon. Maybe someone nice living close to you can drop off some full octane coffee and leave it on your porch and ring your door bell and run.

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  12. "My mom says some days are like that, even in Australia."

    8:01 Murdered husband lol! You made me laugh!

    Hope your day goes better & kiddos return to good health!
    Elissa

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  13. What Debbie said. If it was half-caff it would have said so on the front. This is the original blend you bought. Aren't you happy? Praying for healing.

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  14. I especially like that you did not post the day after this one. It fits.
    - Molly

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  15. Ain't parenthood grand?? I had a relatively sleep-free night with my two the other night, but I'm thanking my lucky stars it had far less vomit than yours contained! Hope Aaron managed to bring you home some much stronger coffee as payment for his good night's sleep and that everyone in your house recovers from this episode very quickly. Thinking of you x

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