Thursday, January 19, 2012

Subtle Chubbs, subtle.

It's 2:52 am, and yet I am awake.

I woke up about an hour ago and made the mistake of checking my email and facebook. The overwhelming response from all of you dear friends who bought my humble book, read it, said nice things, shared it....I cried. (I know from the book you're going to think that ALL I do is cry, but in all reality...I hardly EVER cry...extenuating circumstances only...I promise)

But I was so touched that so many of you care. You care about our journey, and you care about helping other moms. You care enough to send me the most gracious, thoughtful notes letting me know that this is not all in vain.

I sat and deliberated for a long while yesterday morning. Book was uploaded. Blog post was written. A trembling finger was poised over that PUBLISH POST button...I just couldn't do it. So much of myself was in that book. Was it perfect enough? What if everyone hated it? Did I truly express myself to really show the story in HD? (You know, the book version of HD...written well enough to give the clearest picture)

While I was fighting the inward demon of insecure perfectionist, what was Miss Addison doing?

eating poop.

Yes, that is correct- poop.

I suppose my first clue should have been that she smelled strongly of her own poo and yet didn't even have a wet diaper when I changed her. My second clue was the fact that she crawled very deliberately up to me, stood, took a few steps, and then handed me a very wet, old diaper.

My third and final clue was the brown little chocolate like looking balls, liberally sprinkled with tiny bite marks, scattering the floor in her nursery. (except if you were to see these wrapped up in silver wrappers and placed in a box with the flavors depicted on the lid, it would read: Gross and Grosser)

I'm glad that Addison didn't try to force feed her latest findings with her brother (he was asleep). She's super thoughtful that way.

I then just happened to remember that I had placed a dirty diaper on the floor instead of in the diaper pail because the diaper pail had been moved and I didn't want to leave Addison alone on the changing table to throw it out...I mentally made a note to move it later...and then forgot.
At this point I was really regretting our chuddle/face eating nibble time just minutes before I discovered the chocolate the time I was confused as to why she was so odorous

So yeah, Addison was eating poop- smearing it gleefully all over her little face..and then rubbing off all evidence of the deed. (she is seriously so smart...I have a blog post brewing with all her latest antics of genius)

"CHOMP CHOMP (smear) lick...hmmmmmm, Mom hasn't given me this flavor of chocolate yet. I feel pretty deprived. Good thing I scouted it out for myself."

It was then I realized that I didn't have a second more to waste with my inward battles. I pushed publish, prayed that it would somehow strike a chord with someone who would forgive the fact that I wasn't perfect....and went to mother my very curious, very mischievous toddler who sent more than subtle hints via her daily perfume that SHE NEEDED ME. (it's amazing how much trouble she can get into within seconds of me turning my attention away)

I left my computer behind and bathed, redressed and tried to encourage a very hyper girl to take a nap (poop must double as an energy booster...note: remember to recheck more carefully the ingredients of future energy bars)

All that to say. a giant THANK YOU. I look forward to responding back more individually (at a more sane hour), but you all mean so much to me and I feel overwhelming honored and blessed to have you all in my life.

and in case you have no idea what I'm talking about:
please check it out! (and share)

Many asked about being able to read it without an ebook reading device.
You can still read this ebook even if you don't have a Kindle. Simply choose Kindle for PC as your delivery choice and download the free Kindle for PC onto your computer (it is free).


  1. Ok first of all I am dying laughing at the chocolate bit lol. Ewwie! Toddlers are gross lol. I have to put my 2.5 year old in button up pjs to bed because he thinks his poo is playdoh.

    Second, I am book marking this amazon book so I can buy/read it ASAP.

  2. Ok first of all I am dying laughing at the chocolate bit lol. Ewwie! Toddlers are gross lol. I have to put my 2.5 year old in button up pjs to bed because he thinks his poo is playdoh.

    Second, I am book marking this amazon book so I can buy/read it ASAP.

  3. Yesterday I just learned about your blog, and I love it! And just to make it special, Addison decided to make a juicy (pooey?) news story for the morning. I'll check out your book too! I wish I could order a paperback. I'm old school. :)
    PS. YOU are SO funny.

  4. I would never kiss that child again...
    and I don't have a kindle...and I don't get how to download one on my PC...I'm way stupid like that

  5. I read yesterdays' post - the one where you first introduced your book. I went right to amazon and read the section posted there, and it made me cry. I'm so glad you wrote it and that you are willing to risk a little imperfection (not saying there IS any actual imperfection!) to share your story. I can't wait to read the whole thing!

  6. Hello Deanna,
    We were very pleasantly suprised in our mail today when the magazine from my husbands college came and one of the kids opened it up and said...thats Addison I quickly grabbed it to see for myself.:)That was so neat and a copy we will be keeping for sure....if I can figure out how to download that book I will order one soon.

  7. I'm so tired today....I stayed up reading your book, I'm not sure if I'm tired because I couldn't put it down, or from the tears that flowed for 2 hours straight, literally 2 hours straight. Then I had to put it down. I could take no more tears, of sadness, joy, and exact same emotions that join us all together. You know when you first found out about Ds and were so scared, then as time went on you read things and thought I wish I had read THIS when I was going through everything, well THIS,
    (your story) is what we need people to read. How can we get this to the perinentologists, the OB's offices and all the specialists that push for abortions because of Ds? I'm am going to find a way to get it in every office I sat at while I waited... and waited...for answers they didn't have ,so even one mother will know what they are feeling is exactly right and then they could see Addison who makes me smile everyday and makes everything for me so normal (except the poop eating part, I'd like to skip that part of normal). Thank you for sharing your story! You really mean so much to our family!

  8. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I have greatly enjoyed your blog (after reading about it in BJU Magazine). We are hoping to come visit Nate's parents in May so we will probably see you in Sunday School. Your kids are adorable!

  9. Yeah, well, how many authors can say THAT was happening while their books were being published??!! :)

    I began to read your book last night & was loving it. But because I was already an emotional wreck due to some news a good friend got, I postponed the rest of the reading. Looking forward to reading it tonight and/or tomorrow.

    May God continue to bless you in everything (& nothing)!!

  10. thanks so much for pushing the publish button (and getting rid of the pooh - lol) i don't have a kindle and so babystepped my way thru the amazon free kindle download for pc. it worked! and i've read (and cried) and read (and cried, then smiled) and read the whooooooole thing.

    yes, this book needs to be read and shared.

    and even someone who isn't techy can get the free kindle for pc (i'm still shocked it worked for me). it's worth the effort for just reading deanna's book. you'll be thankful you did!

  11. I read this post last night with my husband sitting next to me-all of the sudden he burst out laughing- he just so happened to glance down as I was getting to what Addison had done :) It gave us a laugh but I know its not funny to you! He of course would freak out completely if he found our daughter doing that! Still have to download kindle to read your book- cant wait!

  12. smiling (my arm around my little asd granddaughter)

  13. I bought your book for my kindle. I am 28% in. My son has Trisomy 8. Some of the things you were saying about the nicu and gtubes and things I can relate to. Our son spent the first few weeks in the nicu without me there. I had no idea he was even born let alone my child. He had a wonderful transitional care mama who never left his side. His story is long and I wont get into it right now. But I wanted to say I am loving your book and have offered to buy it for several friends. We are in the process of adopting a child with down syndrome also. I cant wait to finish the book and start reading your blog! You are my inspiration!!!! Be blessed


  14. Just received our BJU magazine yesterday and read the article with special interest because we have a daughter with Downs Syndrome also. She is 5 and so we are little ahead of you on this road. I can tell you it just gets better and better!! :)
    Then this morning, I saw your link on Patti's blog. :)
    So here I am and looking forward to reading through everything you have written about your journey.

  15. Oh, I meant to add that my daughter has tried that delicacy too! ;) Cracked me up to read of your experience.

  16. I just received my BJU magazine today and wanted to say what a blessing that article was to me. I hope to buy your book also!

  17. Deanna, head on over to and check out your reviews! You have 5 stars, baby. FIVE stars!!!! Rightly so, I am in the middle of your book and I have just been sucked in. My story is not the same. I found out post-natally and Ellie was relatively healthy. Still, the emotions that you and I experienced were very similar. Anyway, go to Amazon and check out how wonderfully your book is selling!

  18. I am ordering your book tonight! And I cant wait to read it!


Thanks for reading about my Everything and Nothing. I would love to hear from you!