Saturday, November 19, 2011

Thankful?

baby SCREAMING

toddler whining

husband snoring

space heaters whirring

wind HOWLING

It's three am, and I sneak slowly out of bed hoping that the frantic screams will miraculously quiet themselves before I'm completely awake. As I stumble with eyes half closed to put on my warm robe, I distantly wonder how Aaron was born with the gift to somehow not hear the screaming...to magically be able to sleep through it all. The other day I jumped to go get Addison a bottle when I simply heard the slight noise of her sucking on an empty bottle at 1am. You can bet I'm immediately jolted to awake by the hungry choking gasps of my infant son.

Hurrying to retrieve a bottle of pre-pumped milk from the fridge, I gather my son from his crib and idly think that perhaps his crib is shrinking since he has been filling up so much more of it so quickly. I soothingly assure him that food is coming soon. He blinks his dark with hunger blue eyes towards my dark with exhaustion brown eyes and I carefully settle into the glider/recliner to feed him.

I begin humming softly, a song of desperation. Which, if this song were to inherit words, it would go something like this:  "Oh why won't you sleep....oh why do you need to eat every three hours...oh why can't you sleep 12 hours a night like your sister did at this age...oh why...oh why...oh why"

I didn't say it was a good song. Just a very heartfelt one, accompanied by equal parts of complaining and misery.

He smiles at me then. Chubby cheeks part, eyes twinkle, bottle is temporarily forgotten...it's as if he senses my distress...or he's laughing at me. Hard to tell.

A hand generously filled out with rolls of fat grabs my finger and holds on as if there is a a fear that I'll take the food away before the little belly is full.

I wonder when I'll ever sleep again.

The constantly hungry little boy seems to think that things are fine they way they are.
Sister has quieted down now that the screaming has stopped and is issuing forth snores to equal that of her father's...diligently stocking up on beauty rest for another day reigning as "Queen of the Pretties"
Pushing aside my lack of sleep resentment, I entertain myself by checking facebook on my phone, and see a sweet message from a fellow mom who closes with the sentence "So much to be thankful for this year"

Feeling properly put in my place, I thought of this:
and this:
and this:
and immediately stopped complaining that I was tired. and have been tired for 11 weeks with no end in sight.

I reluctantly gave voice to my inner thankfulness...which immediately brought up Addison's eyes now working so much more together:
and a very healthy baby (I tried to force a 3 month sleeper to fit him)
inner thankfulness totally defeated the song of desperation, complaining and misery in one simple sentence

"so much to be thankful for this year"

so true. so very, very true.

Excited about a week focusing on thankfulness...and my little sis coming to visit...and running my very first 5K

God is good.

(and I intend on sprinkling my thankfulness with a wee bit of Christmas music...because I'm thankful for that as well)

9 comments:

  1. Thankful I found your blog, Deanna. You are an inspiration.

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  2. The eating every three hours is hard. hard hard hard. Mine is still up every two to three every. single. night. Nine months old. I feel this pain with you. (((you)))

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  3. I just watched the Addison video three times in a row because it made me laugh so hard. Oh, my. Love that girl!

    And, yeah, Gloria is seven months old and still wakes every 2 or 3 hours to eat. Someday we'll sleep again! :)

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  4. So your a song writer as well! lol...Love that picture of Chubbs, her eyes look great!
    Oh and EVERY man is born with that gift of not hearing a baby in the night...It's just one of those things ;)

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  5. praising God that you found a new song in the night. it's difficult when it's the middle of the night and the body&mind is soooo tired ...... but a tremendous reminder for each of us to see with new eyes what we do have to be thankful for.

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  6. Could not figure out how to email you, but may I ask why/when you got Addison's ears pierced? She's super cute and I love reading your blog. :-)

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  7. So happy I found your blog through the Parents.com Blog Awards! I too have a little angel with almond eyes and an extra chromosome... and so much to be thankful for! Happy Thanksgiving to your beautiful family.

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