I need to start this post with an apology.
Normally, I keep this blog very clean- screening out any potential "scandalous" information or language.
But as I was only able to sleep for like three hours last night, can barely walk due to hip pain, and have been cranky more than usual today due to pregnancy woes...my judgment might be a touch off...just warning you (feel free to discontinue reading at any time...I promise not to hold it against you)
Yesterday, I had my 38 week OB checkup. Because merely two weeks ago he was breech, they wanted to do another ultrasound followup to make sure that he was still head down.
Fine by me. I was anxious to perhaps glimpse another shot of his face...spot his waving arms...see those kicking legs.
But at the same time, because the first hint that something was wrong with Addison's pregnancy came via ultrasound, the wand and jelly probing my swollen belly also makes me incredibly nervous.
The sharp intake of breath from the doctor, the extra careful zooming in, the lingering around certain body parts to see if the abnormality was truly there or if it was just a shadow across the screen- the startled comment from the professional that was clearly not expecting to see such a deformity on a healthy, average 25 year old's unborn child, the leaving of the room to "consult" before actually telling you what was going on....
I have been there- gotten the bad news- cried the tears.
So yes, ultrasounds make me nervous even though I was quite anxious to check in on the manchild that is starting to suck the very life out of me.
Yesterday as I lay on the table in the OB's office, my doctor stood there with the magic wand along with a medical student who was there to observe and learn.
I was forcing myself to stay relaxed and not panic when all of a sudden, the doctor says
"Oh my!" and zooms the camera in.
What? What's wrong? What is she looking at?
The doctor motioned for the medical student to take a look.
"Oh my goodness!" she exclaims.
WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BABY?
"You know the gender, right?" My doctor asked with a slight smirk on her face.
"Yes, why?" My heart started racing, my palms were sweating, stars were forming over my eyes.
Something was clearly wrong with my baby.
"WOW." the doctor states again. "I'm sorry, but WOW this little boy has a HUGE scrotum."
I'm sorry, what?
The medical student was murmuring the impressive size, the doctor was staring wide eyed, in appreciative awe. I lay on the table, confused.
Did she really just compliment my son's junk?
What's the proper way to respond when your OB gives compliments to your unborn child's genitalia?
Do you go with a simple classic:
"Um, thank you?"
Do you try to be witty?
"Why yes, I grew it myself"
Do you throw in some sass?
"Tell your unborn daughters"
Do you take a naughty approach?
"You're welcome, America"
It was super weird. (Although, it was reassuring to hear that there is NO question of the gender)
What did she expect me to do about that information? Toss the newborn diapers and skip straight to 2s? Brag about it to all of my friends? Put a HUGE SCROTUM sign up in his nursery?
She can't pause long enough to get a decent picture of his face, but this she feels important enough to pass along to me?
Whatever her intent, my doctor got quite the chuckle out of it...along with the medical student...and I consoled myself
that nothing seemed to be wrong.
just impressive, apparently.
(what's the oddest thing that you've ever heard at an ultrasound? someone please top this story...I'm still not sure how to process this.)