Laundry needs to be folded; the kitchen needs to be put back together, but instead I find myself here at my computer typing about our morning because I could use the encouragement that my humble little blog always seems to bring while allowing my tired body to rest for just a second before beginning my chores.
This morning, Addison had an eye appointment immediately followed by her 18 month checkup with a bunch of shots. Both appointments overlapped into her naptime, but both were difficult appointments to schedule as the Pediatrician is going on vacation at the end of August and this was the last chance for these appointments before baby brother is born.
We left early so that we could run across town and hit up an amazing diaper sale at Kmart that I had seen advertised. Armed with my coupons, Addison and everything for both appointments, we set off.
I should have known that it was going to be rough when we were on our way and I realized I forgot to put in my earrings- it just signaled a bad omen for some reason. Then, when we finally reached the store oh so far away, I saw that the the diapers on sale for the boxes of 96 diapers, NOT the 252 ones like I thought had been advertised. Waste of time- not worth the drive over here.
I was also annoyed because all people did in the store was stare awkwardly at me. Sure, stare at the big fat pregnant lady...you could at least comment about how cute Addison is or something- what's with the staring? Until we got to the car and I realized that while holding Addison she had taken the liberty of entirely unbuttoning my dress which extended well below appropriate by even the most liberal standards- allowing quite the boobalicious show for all those gawkers in Kmart.
Finally arriving at the eye appointment, I was expecting to have to fight with the eye doctor to convince us to do some patching for Addison's crossed eyes, and was already cranky due to the loss of the sale that I had been anticipating (and the unexpected strip down)
So, Addison and I waited patiently FOREVER in the waiting room to be seen and then again as her eyes properly dilated. She got quite antsy and just wanted to go dig through this random lady's purse. It was a half hour + of struggle.
What the doctor told us I was not at all expecting. Turns out little miss Chubbs is QUITE nearsighted. -5 in one eye and -3 in the other. The pediatric specialist said that this is unusual for even a child with Down syndrome to have such bad vision this young.
She immediately whipped out a pair of tiny pink glasses which she gave to me and a bunch of pamphlets on where to get the best fitting glasses for Addison's unique face structure (as we will need to have different pairs to keep up with her nimble fingers)
As she discussed how bad Addison's eyes were, I started to cry.
Over the past months I have gotten so frustrated that Addison refuses to do ANY signs. Even such simple things as waving- she won't imitate it. I thought that I was this horrible mother that was doing everything wrong. I was somehow letting Addison down- not teaching her right because I know that other kids her age with DS are signing a lot of words already.
I have been very discouraged at her lack of progress. And then a couple of weeks ago, when her OT told us that her fine motor skills are that of a 9 month old, I thought- perfect- diagnosis confirmed...I AM a horrible mother. I'm doing something wrong- failing to help my daughter in the right way, causing her to struggle more than she should.
Turns out, she couldn't see my signs. She couldn't see me wave. Life to her is appropriating around with blurry shapes randomly moving around her.
She needs glasses.
The depressing thing is- the eye doctor said that nearsightedness with glasses will make the crossing WORSE not better. So, she scheduled us in 2.5 months to come back and see if her vision is now good with the glasses and discuss the surgery that they will need to do to fix her crossing.
Because both of her eyes randomly cross-instead of only one turning in- her likelihood of only needing one surgery to fix this problem is much higher (90% success rate)
So with tears running down my face as I thought about this new twist on Addison's life and contemplating how I could have discovered this sooner (our last eye appointment was in January where I was told her vision was fine...should I have questioned that?), we loaded back up into the car to run to the Pediatrician appointment. Addison immediately fell asleep in the car- and was quite upset to be woken up...15 minutes later...to receive three thigh shots.
The screaming was legendary.
And for the record, she is 19 lbs not 20 like I have been proclaiming...so I'm sure you'll want to take back whatever sympathy you sent my way when I complained about hauling around a 20 lb baby in the heat while being pregnant. That one pound makes all the difference. (-:
So, I am happy and yet extremely upset about these appointments. Happy that she will hopefully now be able to see- happy that she will soon catch up faster with signs and such- happy that I can help my little girl fix her blurry world
Sad- that she has to have another surgery- sad that we will have to fight 24 hours a day to keep those glasses on- sad that she has been suffering for so long and I had no idea- sad that her beautiful face and GORGEOUS blue eyes will be covered by glasses
I need to find her some awesome trendy glasses. The pink ones are OK, but the eye doctor said to have several pairs...so that leaves the door open to reveal some new Chubbs style, right? Plus, the pink ones won't fit all of her red outfits. I'm thinking something square...maybe some sequins....dark brown or black would make her look scholarly, don't you think?
Where can I find the coolest baby glasses? I think finding her some amazing stylish glasses could help cheer this mama up...I mean after all, hasn't Addison been through enough? Why can't she just have a "normal" toddlerhood? OK fine, I might be more discouraged than happy right now...but I am working on it...