Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I Can See Clearly Now...

Laundry needs to be folded; the kitchen needs to be put back together, but instead I find myself here at my computer typing about our morning because I could use the encouragement that my humble little blog always seems to bring while allowing my tired body to rest for just a second before beginning my chores.

This morning, Addison had an eye appointment immediately followed by her 18 month checkup with a bunch of shots. Both appointments overlapped into her naptime, but both were difficult appointments to schedule as the Pediatrician is going on vacation at the end of August and this was the last chance for these appointments before baby brother is born.

We left early so that we could run across town and hit up an amazing diaper sale at Kmart that I had seen advertised. Armed with my coupons, Addison and everything for both appointments, we set off.

I should have known that it was going to be rough when we were on our way and I realized I forgot to put in my earrings- it just signaled a bad omen for some reason. Then, when we finally reached the store oh so far away, I saw that the the diapers on sale for the boxes of 96 diapers, NOT the 252 ones like I thought had been advertised. Waste of time- not worth the drive over here.

I was also annoyed because all people did in the store was stare awkwardly at me. Sure, stare at the big fat pregnant could at least comment about how cute Addison is or something- what's with the staring? Until we got to the car and I realized that while holding Addison she had taken the liberty of entirely unbuttoning my dress which extended well below appropriate by even the most liberal standards- allowing quite the boobalicious show for all those gawkers in Kmart.


Finally arriving at the eye appointment, I was expecting to have to fight with the eye doctor to convince us to do some patching for Addison's crossed eyes, and was already cranky due to the loss of the sale that I had been anticipating (and the unexpected strip down)

So, Addison and I waited patiently FOREVER in the waiting room to be seen and then again as her eyes properly dilated. She got quite antsy and just wanted to go dig through this random lady's purse. It was a half hour + of struggle.

What the doctor told us I was not at all expecting. Turns out little miss Chubbs is QUITE nearsighted. -5 in one eye and -3 in the other. The pediatric specialist said that this is unusual for even a child with Down syndrome to have such bad vision this young.

She immediately whipped out a pair of tiny pink glasses which she gave to me and a bunch of pamphlets on where to get the best fitting glasses for Addison's unique face structure (as we will need to have different pairs to keep up with her nimble fingers)

As she discussed how bad Addison's eyes were, I started to cry.

Over the past months I have gotten so frustrated that Addison refuses to do ANY signs. Even such simple things as waving- she won't imitate it. I thought that I was this horrible mother that was doing everything wrong. I was somehow letting Addison down- not teaching her right because I know that other kids her age with DS are signing a lot of words already.

I have been very discouraged at her lack of progress. And then a couple of weeks ago, when her OT told us that her fine motor skills are that of a 9 month old, I thought- perfect- diagnosis confirmed...I AM a horrible mother. I'm doing something wrong- failing to help my daughter in the right way, causing her to struggle more than she should.

Turns out, she couldn't see my signs. She couldn't see me wave. Life to her is appropriating around with blurry shapes randomly moving around her.

She needs glasses.

The depressing thing is- the eye doctor said that nearsightedness with glasses will make the crossing WORSE not better. So, she scheduled us in 2.5 months to come back and see if her vision is now good with the glasses and discuss the surgery that they will need to do to fix her crossing.

Because both of her eyes randomly cross-instead of only one turning in- her likelihood of only needing one surgery to fix this problem is much higher (90% success rate)

So with tears running down my face as I thought about this new twist on Addison's life and contemplating how I could have discovered this sooner (our last eye appointment was in January where I was told her vision was fine...should I have questioned that?), we loaded back up into the car to run to the Pediatrician appointment. Addison immediately fell asleep in the car- and was quite upset to be woken up...15 minutes receive three thigh shots.

The screaming was legendary.

Poor girl.

And for the record, she is 19 lbs not 20 like I have been I'm sure you'll want to take back whatever sympathy you sent my way when I complained about hauling around a 20 lb baby in the heat while being pregnant. That one pound makes all the difference. (-:

So, I am happy and yet extremely upset about these appointments. Happy that she will hopefully now be able to see- happy that she will soon catch up faster with signs and such- happy that I can help my little girl fix her blurry world
Sad- that she has to have another surgery- sad that we will have to fight 24 hours a day to keep those glasses on- sad that she has been suffering for so long and I had no idea- sad that her beautiful face and GORGEOUS blue eyes will be covered by glasses

I need to find her some awesome trendy glasses. The pink ones are OK, but the eye doctor said to have several that leaves the door open to reveal some new Chubbs style, right? Plus, the pink ones won't fit all of her red outfits.  I'm thinking something square...maybe some sequins....dark brown or black would make her look scholarly, don't you think?

Where can I find the coolest baby glasses? I think finding her some amazing stylish glasses could help cheer this mama up...I mean after all, hasn't Addison been through enough? Why can't she just have a "normal" toddlerhood? OK fine, I might be more discouraged than happy right now...but I am working on it...


  1. Oh man that stinks about Chubb's eye diagnosis and I'm sure that it is bittersweet to finally know why she wasn't signing. Those glasses are adorable. Bet your glad this day is over!!!

  2. I'm so glad you're home and with any luck the rest of the day will be better for both of you! DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF!!! You took her to the dr. in Jan. and they assured you her eyes were fine! She'll be darling in glasses and I'm with you on the brown square...too cute!

    Chin up mama, things always have a way of working out! Just think of all the wonderful new things you're going to get to see her "see" for the first time!

  3. oh my gosh, I didn't think Chubbs could get any cuter, but with those glasses on she is a DIVA !! Now I really need to make Lily an eye appointment...I have been procrastinating it, but this post reminded me how important it is to get things checked out.

  4. dear mama,
    please don't fret that i need to wear glasses. i'm darling in them and my world is no longer blurry. you'll see what a difference these glasses make for me. i'm thankful that drs know how to make glasses to help me. thanks for taking me to the eye dr.
    love, your sweet little diva

  5. I agree with Patti - she's seriously rocking those glasses!! Hmmm...fixing eyesight while being beautifully stylish? Perfect!

  6. She looks awesome in those glasses! And i also love her beautiful crib.

    I'm glad you found out about her vision, now you can help her!

  7. I think Chubbs looks absolutely adorable in her new glasses! Mental adjustments always seem necessary in our little club. But you (and Addison too!) will make it through it all. Someday you will look back and think "Why in the world did I let all this stress me out?"
    Much love to you, Chubbs, and baby brother!

  8. She looks adorable in her new glasses, but I agree, some brown or black square ones would be too cute! I bet she will be amazed at what all she can see after starting to wear them and she will get used to them soon. Just in time to see her new baby brother! :)

  9. I found out Sarah needed glasses at 5 yrs. old, and was told that she probably needed them before that. I remember feeling so guilty that I never noticed, and was so afraid that I had ruined her because her brain didn't get the proper images early on. The doctor said that as long as they see the proper images by 5 they're okay, and she was 5, so I was so worried. But, it all turned out alright for her. Addison is still so young, that I know she'll be fine.

  10. Love love love the pics of Chubbs in her glasses!!!

  11. I Googled toddler and kid glasses, and there were actually a lot of options. I'm sorry the news wasn't better, but it's encouraging that she may be able to work on signs when she'll be able to see clearly. That should make you both happier. :)

  12. I love little babies in glasses! Her eyes will only be enhanced...

  13. The pink glasses are very cute!
    Here is a link to another style though I don't know if they come toddler sizs.

  14. Oh my goodness. I seriously did not think she could get any cuter and then you put those glasses on her! She is such a dolly!

  15. The glasses are great and what a relief to know she will see more. She may not yank them as much as you think since they help her see. I wore the wire-rimmed kind because they fit best and didn't come off as easily. Had second pair for Sundays and parties. Wow! I also have friends who have had surgery for cross eyes and have done really quite well with good outcome. Love, Doc

  16. The site Little Four Eyes is a great resource and the matching Facebook group is fantastic for tips about what glasses work! Super useful plus full of pics of cute kids in glasses. What's not to love?!

  17. Praying for you, Deanna! I hope you feel more encouraged today. I'm sorry that Addison has to go through the surgeries, but she will come through with flying colors - she is one amazing little girl. And you have great perspective on the whole "new wardrobe of style" with the glasses - I've been wanting several pairs of glasses for style my whole life - Addison just beat me to it ;) You are a wonderful mama and pour your love overflowing on your beautiful girl - don't forget it!

  18. chubbs looks too cute in glasses...i can't wait to see what other designs you can find! and i was told maggie rae's eyes were fine , until last week at our evaluation they did a test using the computer and they said she is far-sighted :( so i have been dreading taking her to the eye dr. for all the same reasons....covering up her beautiful eyes and trying to keep up with teeny-tiny glasses! but our girls will both look too too cute in glasses :)

  19. Oh goodness dear friend, your day was rather bittersweet. I am hoping that little Chubbs-A-Love will actually keep her glasses on once she sees how well she can, well see. Those pink glasses are AWESOME. Red sparkly ones would be fun but I am also thinking of purple. Yes, I said purple because I think it will accent her eyes fabulously.

    Not thrilled about the surgery aspect :-( Surgery is always scary so prayers will be headed your way.

    I am sorry to say that you got a little chuckle out of me when you talked about everyone staring at you in Kmart--discovering it was because Addison was stripping you down. Must have been mortifying at the time, but some day, you will look back and have a good laugh.

  20. I think she will be cute in glasses. She will get used to them too, probably pretty fast, if she will be able to see better with them.

    My daughter, now almost 4, has been wearing glasses since she was 2. She also had surgery for crossed eyes. Yes, it is terrifying to have your child go through surgery, but I am so glad we did it.

    I know Chubbs is a little younger than my daughter was, but we just bought the metal toddler frames from Walmart. They are supposed to be pretty indestructible and we liked them better than the rubbery ones. They can be twisted in all sorts of ways and not break. Of course, being a toddler, my daughter did manage to break them, but, walmart has a great warranty. I think we replaced them about 5 times in the first year :) Oh, and they wrap around their ears, so easier to keep on.

  21. Breathe, dear mom, breathe....

    Isn't there a song that says, "my momma said there'd be days like this...?"

    You're doing great. She's darling.

    My husband wrote a blogpost the other day about being a bucket. And in order to get filled up, we have to be let 'down'. And then as life 'improves' as we come back up...we can water those around us. Ups and downs are necessary for us to be there for others. Hang in there. Since parenting doesn't come with're doing phenomenal! (hope I spelled that right! lol)

  22. NOTHING can take away from that mega watt smile and baby blues!


Thanks for reading about my Everything and Nothing. I would love to hear from you!