Monday, July 25, 2011

Convention of Death

Our house is known to some as the Smith house.

To an entirely different group of people in the therapy world, it is known as Addison's house (probably a much more accurate description these days)

To the mailman our house is known as those people who never check their mail (hey, it's across a busy street...cut us some slack) 

To the neighbors it is known as the house that has the beautiful, lusciously green lawn that is almost always sporting the trendiest stripes and neatest edges (I'm married to a landscaper...I take the perks where I can get them)

To a different group belonging in an entirely separate species, our house is known as the HOT SPOT.

That species?

the fly

Apparently, every summer there is a fly convention where flies gather to discuss recent news, latest discoveries, tactics that work the best for dodging traps...and so on and so forth.

This convention even has a keynote speaker and name tags.

Invariably, every summer this convention is held at my house.

Lest you think I'm just a horrible housekeeper, when we bought the house in February (2009) the hardwood floors were all liberally covered with mass quantities of dead flies. Disgusting.

Aaron said that they built some sort of nest in the siding of the house and that's why were afflicted.

We replaced the siding with brand new, beautiful vinyl siding.

And the flies came back.

Thankfully, we are down to lower quantities of flies than ever, but with last week's heat wave and my inability to stand in my kitchen for longer than ten seconds at a time...unfortunately the convention was promoted to the 100th year anniversary gathering where all the flies in the state of Vermont came to check out this HOT SPOT and stay for a little sauna time.

And all of those big flies brought their fruit fly friends that gathered around the kitchen sink and leisurely snacked on any and every crumb of ANYTHING. ugh.

Last summer, my friend told me about this handy contraption that you can make to kill those pesky little flies. Last year, I tried it for the first time and had great success. I just found that it took time- a couple of weeks for those flies to be tempted in. But the wait was worth it as it soon cut the population down to a squashable amount.

Basically, you pour apple cider vinegar into an old jar. Tape a layer of paper over the top of the jar. Roll up another piece of paper and insert through the taped layer. Secure with tape so that the roll just falls short of the level of vinegar. The idea is, the fly will come in for a tasty snack of vinegar, but be unable to exit back through the roll. Genius, really. Last year it worked like a charm. Fingers are crossed for this summer...hopefully it wasn't included into the "what to avoid" handbook handed out at the convention.

Behold my fancy contraption:

Yes, I realize it's tacky beyond all reason, but I threw it together during one of those ten second stints in the kitchen that I referenced earlier.

Anyway, this year's death count so far? 1....soon to be many, many more.  

I left the label on so that they wouldn't see the floating bodies of their dead co-conventioners floating around.

I thought it was pretty considerate of me.

I'm sensing that one of the still existing flies is now writing a murder mystery about the disappearing convention guests.

Guess they should have thought of that before they picked the cranky pregnant lady's house to advertise as the HOT SPOT.

On a different note, you know who is becoming quite the little computer lover?
Chubbs is drawn to a computer like....a fly is to apple cider vinegar. Hmmmm. If I had the money I would totally buy her an ipad. Christmas list?

What is your secret for getting rid of flies in your house?
(and yes, I'm keeping all food put away and wiped down....they seem impervious to my clean ways)

(If any of of you are Fly Rights Activists. I humbly apologize for the offense. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.)


  1. Dearest, aren't those cluster flies? I'm only seven miles away from you, and we host conventions too, although they skipped a year after our new siding was installed. (Yes, they're baaaack.) A VPR reporter won several national awards last year for his news story about Vermont's cluster flies. Very educational; look it up to learn more about your little guests. Your housekeeping skills shall remain untarnished, as that has nothing to do with their existence in your walls. And whatever you do, don't smell them en masse come August and September.

  2. I swipe some honey on a strip on paper and leave it on the counter..they all go right for it...
    and be careful, my keyboard is currently missing the right arrow button due to little fingers

  3. we have ant conventions every year if it makes you feel better. this year the first conventioners showed up in February! FEBRUARY! Are you KIDDING me??? lol Happy fly hunting!

  4. Stealing your fly contraption. . . for house flies.

    We have these weird cross between gnats and fruit flies. Not relaly sure what they are. We have this light with tacky fly paper behind it. It plugs into the wall. Do not know the official name as Andrew bought it off Amazon. Works like a charm.

  5. That was a funny, well written story.We too have fly issues.So bad infact that I took up paying my boys a penny a fly to start killing those pesty things.I still had flies but no change left.I think I will try one of your fly traps.:)Maybe they had to do a convention out in the country to see if anyone would come.Anyway thanks for the good story.Sorry you are dealing with flies too.

  6. I feel you girl! My house stands on a former dairy farm and is still surrounded by dairy farms. I may have to steal your idea!

  7. I wish that contraption worked for misqitos too!! And how the heck do you spell misquitos anyway?? Errr...Russell has taken to banging on my computer every time I leave the room too, so if you get any strange messages from me, its probably from him! lol

  8. haha! We always have one lone fly that never can seem to leave. Maybe he got lost on his way to the convention. -erin

  9. Great idea! Might be stealing that after the hubby works on prepping the soil for next year...manure. Not good.


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