Wednesday, June 1, 2011

food, food, food, food

I was in my office at work today, finishing up my lunch consisting of a large PB &J sandwich on honey oat bread, a pint of blueberries, a yogurt and a sandwich bag completely filled with carrots and grape tomatoes.

It was delicious and fresh. Soooooo yummy.

Only one problem.

The time was 10:00am, and even after finishing all of that, I was still ravenously starving.

I was finishing up the last half of the carrots, when a random high school boy sailing through my office deemed it advisable to reach over and grab a few of the remaining carrots sticks.

In horror, I stared at him, trying to convince myself that taking off a few of his fingers was not an appropriate punishment for his crime. I appreciate that his mother taught him to enjoy healthy snacks, but couldn't she have also mentioned the oh so important fact that you NEVER take food from a pregnant person?

As I sat there pouting, thinking evil, bitter thoughts towards the boy who stole my food and wondering how I was going to make it through the rest of the day as clearly, my poor body was starving,

when the realization hit me

I was thinking normal pregnancy thoughts.

starving. all the time. getting. way too fat.

Now, granted, my last pregnancy was pretty off the charts awful. I was so consumed with worry that my baby would die, or even if she did live, what sort of life would she live....etc, etc, etc.

I never got the chance to just slow down and enjoy the fact that I was growing a human being inside of me. The small nuances of pregnancy escaped me. The entire event was a struggle of survival-both physically and for my barely-there-to-begin-with sanity.

But here I am, it seems like only yesterday that I was pregnant with Addison and here I have a chance to do it all over again- fresh- without the dim prognosis from the amnio hanging over my head.

Despite the fact that when I'm not stuffing my face, I'm dreaming about it and trying to imagine what my next meal will be, fangs sharpened, drool liberally falling, paws clasped, ready to shovel in food at a moment's notice...

I'm unbelievably thankful that I'm able to focus on these horrors.

When it occurs to me that my belly is growing WAY too fast and fear fills me as far as making it through a hot summer in a state with no air conditioning while carrying around a sweaty one year old....

and I want to complain about my tiny baby bump that ballooned into a believable 40 week belly seemingly overnight...

I instead smile and quietly state thanks that I can worry about such normal things.

Hugeness vs worrying if your baby will live...

I'll take the huge, butt-of-every-joke, stereotypical pregnant "do you put miracle grow on that?" belly any day. I've done the other thing, and let me tell you, it's not for the faint of heart. (side note: I know a few women going through that right now, and rest assured, you are in my daily prayers)

I think my overachieving son clearly has gotten the wrong message. He still has 14 weeks of growing left....why the sudden need to flaunt his presence by extending my belly past the point of cuteness and into "ouch" so soon?

While driving home from work today, I was pondering my recent dilemma of worrying about this big, big baby and I amused myself thusly:

You know you're starting to look really pregnant when...

The manager at the grocery store stops you to retrieve the watermelon he thinks you're smuggling out of the store...

Advertisers contact you asking to rent out space on the billboard you're carrying around...

You knock over a display at Walmart because you miscalculated the distance your belly extends out...

Students clear the hallway when they see you coming to make room for you to pass...

Complete strangers sympathetically ask if it's any day now...

You stop thinking about "looking cute" in maternity clothes and you settle for things that cover your stomach in entirety...

You stand behind people in pictures and part of your belly still lops over into the shot...

The very thought of purchasing a "maternity bathing suit" sends you into a panic attack and you wonder if it's possible not to look like a beached whale waddling at the pool, scaring small children...

You immediately attack anyone who stares at you a second longer than necessary and opens their mouth to issue a joke concerning weight gain...

You forget what shoes you're wearing because you can't see your feet...

...and I have to stop this list, as fun as it is, because I'm hungry yet again and little boy is kicking up a storm

(btw, I apologize for tantalizing you with a name I can't share yet...but I have to let it settle in for a few months to make sure that it's the perfect name...then, I will share...promise)

So as my bloated fingers type my heart outpourings over the next 14 weeks, pray for a many small breezes to break the heat, for my back and hip issues to be able to keep up with this growing baby, and for Addison to still be able to recognize me if this growing madness continues...

...and oh yes, and that this isn't a 13 pound baby. gulp.

But I'm typing this post to just remind myself that no matter how panicked it makes me feel to think of getting "too big too fast"....it could be way, way worse (as I have already experienced)...and I am thankful for a healthy pregnancy so far...and for these vicious little kicks that I'm feeling that is undoubtedly little brother warming up for the defensive against his jealously murderous older sister...

                                
 And just so you think I'm not a HUGE exaggerator (just an average one)...here are some comparison shots for you...first one with Addison, second one I just snapped in the bathroom mirror with my phone to give you a visual...
Addison, 27 weeks
Little bro, 26 weeks


yep, there's something growin' in there...

now, if you will excuse me...there are some tacos calling my name...with so many extra veggies that it falls apart a and a fork is required for consumption....ahhhhhhh yes.....food...

6 comments:

  1. LOL you crack me up...I will say NEVER take food of any kind from a pregnant woman EVER! :) I will also say you are too darn cute! I swear I have a picture of me when I was 27 weeks pregnant with Sutter and I looked like I was about to give birth!

    I'm glad you are enjoying your pregnancy...and the food! :)

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  2. Too funny! As a woman who has now been pregnant 3 times (and has given birth to an over 9 lb baby boy!) I can tell you that every single one is different...as far as the belly goes. With my first, you could hardly tell I was pregnant (I started to SEE her move before I was four months pregnant) until the last month when I simply woke up one day and had a huge pregnant belly! With Caleb, I knew I was pregnant because I couldn't fasten my pants even before I should have known at all. lol With Liddy, I actually only gained 6 lbs total (for a 7 lb baby) and my belly was definitely a pregnant belly already by 3 months. I understand about the clothing that actually covers your belly because for the last two months I was pregnant, she laid so low and stuck out so far that NOTHING covered my belly. My pants fell down and my shirts creeped up. lol I was the butt of many jokes by my loving family because I was always looking like a white trash princess ;) Bless you..a million times over for not chewing that poor boy's fingers off. :)

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  3. eh, that's nothing...
    I ended up in the hospital with Hope convinced I was dying at about that time in horrible pain...
    But she just sprained my uterus. Yup, she was so big she sprained my uterus like how you sprain an ankle...
    it sucked...
    and she was 10 6, 2 1/2 weeks early

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  4. I think you look fantastic, Deanna!! All your weight is in your stomach (baby) and your little guy looks just the right size to me!!

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  5. I enjoyed this post as I am almost 24 weeks with baby number nine.:)My last two have weighed exactly 10 lbs.:)I too am enjoying eating.....veggies just taste so good right now.I am loving onions with most of my meals.:)My huge belly makes yours look small.:)People sound shocked when they find out my due date.Oh well.I love being pregnant and knowing there is a little someone growing inside.

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  6. I am so happy you are having a normal pregnancy! You deserve it. Living the nightmare pregnancy right now, and it is so wearing on me every single day. I need to figure out a way to choose to be more at peace every day, but I'm still working on that.

    Oh... and you are not that big, you have a very cute baby bump.

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