Sunday, May 22, 2011

writer woes

Being 25 weeks pregnant, chasing around a 1 year old, actively trying to get a book published, finishing up my final school year as a teacher, getting stressed about narrowing down to one income, and struggling with some back/hip issues that have been seriously limiting me.- I am just about done in.

To be honest, these past few weeks, this is all I have really felt like doing:
But there isn't time to sit around and have a pity party. When I'm not teaching, I'm taking care of my house and baby or writing.

I'm overwhelmed by trying to accomplish everything and I feel a little bit like the world is staring at me, expecting and waiting for me to fail.

I know I'm a bit crazy to attempt to break into the publishing world as a first time author. I recognize my insanity here.

But my book has an amazing message that needs to be read by more than just me and a few faithful friends.

I believe in my book, and I appreciate more than I can say those few who have given me words of encouragement.

Because honestly? Having the world wait for you to fail is a very discouraging place to be. Especially to this slightly hormonal, exhausted woman.

Has anyone every attempted the impossible and succeeded? Does insanity ever pay off?

I read somewhere the other day that when you're trying to get a book published, you don't need everyone to believe in you- just one person in the right place who is willing to stick their neck out for you.

I have an amazing opportunity in a few weeks to meet with a woman who used to own a publishing company. She owes my boss a favor, and sounds willing to "point me in the right direction". She knows all the right people, and can get me where I need to be.

So the fact that I'm stressing right now to get my book perfect before that meeting shouldn't be surprising. Sometimes it just feels like aiming high and attempting the impossible will be the death of me.

Please pray that this meeting gives me the answers and direction that I so desperately need.

Getting a book published is stressful and fills me with constant doubt about my writing abilities. But when you're fighting for the world to accept your daughter just the way she is, and you spent the last year of your life crafting a fiction book that would positively influence the world's view on having a special needs child while still being an enjoyable, suspenseful read...

...and you feel some unseen force pushing you to continue and finish just when you're wanting to quit the most...

somehow, all of the stress seems worth it...but the journey getting there sure isn't a beautifully paved road.

it's a gravel pit that sucks you in and then mysteriously turns into quick sand...




6 comments:

  1. I felt the same way when I made the decision to go back to school. It was something that I KNEW I had to do, a dream that I had been patiently waiting to follow, and I know that my becoming a nurse is my calling, and that it will help my family have a better life. But I have to say that I was scared to death! What if I tried and failed? What if I wasn't smart enough, or organized enough, or didn't get high enough grades to actually get IN to nursing school when I finally got through all the menial classes beforehand. This drive we women have to perfect is pretty darn crappy! lol We expect a lot of ourselves and we doubt our abilities entirely too much! We mommies and wives and sisters and daughters are ABSOLUTELY amazing! You can do this... and I KNOW you will be great!! :)

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  2. Deanna, I started following your blog about a month ago. I was in the hospital, feeling sorry for myself and really miserable, and I hopped from blog to blog, but kept coming back to yours. I love your writing style, your little one is adorable, I enjoy all the pink and girly-ness. I'm the proud mama of three boys and I know you will enjoy having a little man around. So, just wanted to delurk and encourage you to keep going!!

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  3. wait...
    you take care of youre baby?
    huh...Brooke's kinda on her own here..
    and you can do it! I know you wanted me to tear your book apart, but I really like it so far...
    but I'll put my mean girl panties on soon and rip into you...

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  4. Deanna, you are doing great!! I admire you so much...And you are right, your book does need to be read by more than just a handful of people...And it WILL be :) Hang in there, everything will fall into place. Praying your meeting goes well.

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  5. Praying for you and looking so forward to reading this book!

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Thanks for reading about my Everything and Nothing. I would love to hear from you!