I'm sure that your first thought when you read today's title was that I was a bit presumptuous for assuming that I would even be up for such a lofty title. Let me assure you, I in no way consider myself Mother of the Year. My daily confessions are so numerous and embarrassing with both my small and quite large shortfalls, that I found it was easier to share them on my other blog...you know, the one that is actually just a Word document on my computer, saved under three passwords only accessible to myself...and whoever happens to be hacking my computer...
That being said, as a new mom, I do have to confess that occasionally I look down at my adorable baby and I am unbelievably proud- that I have managed to keep her alive for 14 whole months. From someone who struggles to keep alive even the most resilient of house plant..that is quite the feat. (Note to self, after finishing this blog post, go water the spider plant in the bathroom...it's been a few months...time to water up)
Anyhoo, while I was pregnant, that was one of my fears. How could I manage to keep a tiny infant alive (let alone one with special health needs....whole other ball game). So yes, I am proud of myself for my 14 month accomplishment (and yes, I do realize that 14 months is just the very very beginning...and if I get a snarky comment about how 14 months of survival means nothing in the 18 year plan...I will set my unwatered spider plant on you...they bite, right?)
What I'm trying to say is, let me enjoy the one moment of pride because it is a fleeting thought. The minute I think that I'm doing an OK job as a mother, something happens to cause my little pie in the sky self to come crashing down to the reality that on the best of days I am just plain mediocre. (If you disagree at this point, keep reading and you will understand)
Before I reveal the cold harsh reality to you, let me preface this story with one thing. This has been a very busy week, running here, running there. For the last few days, every time I stepped in my front door in from the fresh air, I felt that I smelled something slightly amiss. At first I chalked it up to the amazing spring air smelling better than the staleness of my house. Then as the smell got progressively worse, I decided to investigate. I was sure that the kitchen was the culprit. (Isn't it always?) I cleaned out this, threw away that...and thought that my problem was gone.
Until today. I walked in my house and the stench was completely overwhelming. Gaggifying so (if that's not a word, it totally should be) As soon as the rotting aroma hit this pregnant lady's nostrils, I immediately knew what the problem was (it had baked to the perfect point of identification)....something in Addison's room. As I neared the pink haven...the stench worsened. I felt my breath catch in my throat....my heart started to race. The gagging sensation intensified as I walked inside my daughter's room.
I followed my sensitive nose...it led me down on the floor...looking under the crib...where I found 6, Ok fine, 7 bottles....full of who knows how old formula milk...several of them looked like they were full of cottage cheese...several more of them were full of green cottage cheese...and they were all upside down and leaking onto the floor. All seven bottles lay in a pile of souring milk.
Now I know exactly what happened, because I caught her doing it once. Addison gets her last bottle of the day right before bedtime. She likes to feed it to herself. A few months back, I saw her drink until she was full and then fling the remainder of the bottle over the back of the crib, settling into the dust. After hearing the loud thunk she cuddled down contentedly and went right to sleep. (she was housecleaning her crib...what can I say)
At the time I retrieved her bottle and thought nothing of it (I was distracted by her dazzling smile and her batting blue eyes)...until today...when I found seven rotting bottles full of old milk lying under her crib, perfuming my entire house with an unpleasant odor.
Bad Mommy. You would think I would miss all of those bottles...and honestly, I did. But I have been so busy I convinced myself that I would investigate their disappearance this week. (truth be told, I thought maybe Aaron lost them somewhere while I was out of town last weekend)
I don't have a photo of the seven bottles lying in the greenish pool...I was so horrified, I cleaned it up as quickly as possible. One bottle over in the corner remains because I couldn't reach it with my little baby bump and I'm waiting for Aaron to get home and take care of it...This one looks like a new add to the collection...nothing was growing in the formula pool quite yet, and there's not a lot of leakage on this one...but it gives you an idea of what I found. So there you have it. No nomination for "Mother of the Year" here....also I'm guessing that I'm out for "Housekeeper of the Year" (and most likely "Plant Waterer of the Year"-no surprises there). Big fat bummer. I guess I'll have to set my sights on something far less prestigious...The "Mom Who confesses the Most of the Year". Is that a thing? All of this honesty should be worth something...you would think...
Note to self: Add checking under the crib to my daily list of cleaning chores...right after watering that spider plant...and oh yes...keeping that 14 month old alive...Dearest Addison, not sure what you were trying to collect...but could we move from the moldy to something a trifle more sanitary and less odorous?