Sunday, April 17, 2011

Kissing Goodbye "Mother of the Year" Award

I'm sure that your first thought when you read today's title was that I was a bit presumptuous for assuming that I would even be up for such a lofty title. Let me assure you, I in no way consider myself Mother of the Year. My daily confessions are so numerous and embarrassing with both my small and quite large shortfalls, that I found it was easier to share them on my other blog...you know, the one that is actually just a Word document on my computer, saved under three passwords only accessible to myself...and whoever happens to be hacking my computer...

That being said, as a new mom, I do have to confess that occasionally I look down at my adorable baby and I am unbelievably proud- that I have managed to keep her alive for 14 whole months. From someone who struggles to keep alive even the most resilient of house plant..that is quite the feat. (Note to self, after finishing this blog post, go water the spider plant in the bathroom...it's been a few months...time to water up)

Anyhoo, while I was pregnant, that was one of my fears. How could I manage to keep a tiny infant alive (let alone one with special health needs....whole other ball game). So yes, I am proud of myself for my 14 month accomplishment (and yes, I do realize that 14 months is just the very very beginning...and if I get a snarky comment about how 14 months of survival means nothing in the 18 year plan...I will set my unwatered spider plant on you...they bite, right?)

What I'm trying to say is, let me enjoy the one moment of pride because it is a fleeting thought. The minute I think that I'm doing an OK job as a mother, something happens to cause my little pie in the sky self to come crashing down to the reality that on the best of days I am just plain mediocre. (If you disagree at this point, keep reading and you will understand)

Before I reveal the cold harsh reality to you, let me preface this story with one thing. This has been a very busy week, running here, running there. For the last few days, every time I stepped in my front door in from the fresh air, I felt that I smelled something slightly amiss. At first I chalked it up to the amazing spring air smelling better than the staleness of my house. Then as the smell got progressively worse, I decided to investigate. I was sure that the kitchen was the culprit. (Isn't it always?) I cleaned out this, threw away that...and thought that my problem was gone.

Until today. I walked in my house and the stench was completely overwhelming. Gaggifying so (if that's not a word, it totally should be) As soon as the rotting aroma hit this pregnant lady's nostrils, I immediately knew what the problem was (it had baked to the perfect point of identification)....something in Addison's room. As I neared the pink haven...the stench worsened. I felt my breath catch in my throat....my heart started to race. The gagging sensation intensified as I walked inside my daughter's room.

I followed my sensitive nose...it led me down on the floor...looking under the crib...where I found 6, Ok fine, 7 bottles....full of who knows how old formula milk...several of them looked like they were full of cottage cheese...several more of them were full of green cottage cheese...and they were all upside down and leaking onto the floor. All seven bottles lay in a pile of souring milk.

Now I know exactly what happened, because I caught her doing it once. Addison gets her last bottle of the day right before bedtime. She likes to feed it to herself. A few months back, I saw her drink until she was full and then fling the remainder of the bottle over the back of the crib, settling into the dust. After hearing the loud thunk she cuddled down contentedly and went right to sleep. (she was housecleaning her crib...what can I say)

At the time I retrieved her bottle and thought nothing of it (I was distracted by her dazzling smile and her batting blue eyes)...until today...when I found seven rotting bottles full of old milk lying under her crib, perfuming my entire house with an unpleasant odor.

Bad Mommy. You would think I would miss all of those bottles...and honestly, I did. But I have been so busy I convinced myself that I would investigate their disappearance this week. (truth be told, I thought maybe Aaron lost them somewhere while I was out of town last weekend)

I don't have a photo of the seven bottles lying in the greenish pool...I was so horrified, I cleaned it up as quickly as possible. One bottle over in the corner remains because I couldn't reach it with my little baby bump and I'm waiting for Aaron to get home and take care of it...This one looks like a new add to the collection...nothing was growing in the formula pool quite yet, and there's not a lot of leakage on this one...but it gives you an idea of what I found. So there you have it. No nomination for "Mother of the Year" here....also I'm guessing that I'm out for "Housekeeper of the Year" (and most likely "Plant Waterer of the Year"-no surprises there). Big fat bummer. I guess I'll have to set my sights on something far less prestigious...The "Mom Who confesses the Most of the Year". Is that a thing? All of this honesty should be worth something...you would think...

Note to self: Add checking under the crib to my daily list of cleaning chores...right after watering that spider plant...and oh yes...keeping that 14 month old alive...Dearest Addison, not sure what you were trying to collect...but could we move from the moldy to something a trifle more sanitary and less odorous?

14 comments:

  1. Thanks for the reminder...I'm off to water my plants :) My sense of smell was so strong during my two pregnancies that I recoil at the pain of the sour smell of the 7 bottles. Very funny story. Look forward to seeing you this week.

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  2. Oh, the number of times I found a sippie cup full of rotting milk weeks after it was abandoned. Can't say I as I found 7 all at the same time, but...
    You just have a knack for not finding things until they're rotting (i.e. the banana).

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  3. Deanna, I know this seems quite an agressvive reaction at this point, but I would heartily recommend a crib tent. They can be found at lots of different sites but here is a link to one so that you can see what I ma talking about if you don't already know http://www.walmart.com/ip/Tots-In-Mind-Crib-Tent/6372421. For my I bought ours when I was pregnant with our 4th child and couldn't keep the third one in the bed. It seemed like a lot of money, but it is one of the best investments we have made as far as baby gear goes. If I had known about it sooner it would have saved us so much trouble. They can throw NOTHING out of the bed (including themselves) and you don't have to worry about them getting out before you are ready for them to. Just something to think about.

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  4. Well, finding them is one thing Deanna and Karen. One time, when Samuel was a toddler, HE found a sippy cup of old moldy milk after we came back from a week long trip and started drinking it before we realized it and then was vomiting for the rest of the day. Now THAT made me feel like a bad mother!!

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  5. Maybe she is going to be a famous scientist someday, and this was just her first mold growing experiment?!! :-)

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  6. This is nothing new in the land of mommyhood - LOL! In fact, last week I found a months-old sippy cup full of vinegarized juice in a big box of stuffed animals in the back of my youngest daughter's closet. *sigh*
    Truth be told, I'm pretty sure I gave up my bid for "Mother of the Year" about 16 years ago.

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  7. i have been there...trying to figure out what the smell was and where on earth it was coming from! looking everywhere to finally find a dirty diaper hidden under the bed :) but i bet we are both mother of the year in our girls eyes...and that's all that matters :)

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  8. I don't know if you can read the comment I left for you over on A Perfect Lily so I will say hello here also. I feel a lot like you do, some days I think "hey, I'm pretty good at this mommy thing" and then inevitibly somthing happens shortly after to remind me I'm not mother of the year. Like when I find a puddle under the kitchen table and think it is spilled water until I track down my 2 year old and her panties are soaking wet, then I lose it and yell a little because I have pee on my hands. NOT good. Or when my 10 year old son starts backtalking and yelling at me, and I let it get me upset. NOT good. Or, when I am driving and my 5 year old daughter has to tell me "mommy, we don't say stupid" after she hears what I called the driver in front of me. NOT good. But, I am trying to learn to not be so hard on myself (I'm riddled with mother's guilt. It's an evil, evil thing I tell you) and realize that no one is perfect. I would be honored if you would share in my story at www.moveanymountian.blogspot.com, we have embarked on the journey to bring home our own daughter with that little something extra. We need all the prayers we can get!

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  9. Oh that is the WORST smell EVER! I don't even open the ones that get found days/weeks later, they go straight to the trash! Sippy cups are worse, especially the ones with "plugs" or "valves"...just the thought of it makes my stomach turn.

    I always joke I can keep a kid alive but give me a plant and it will surly be dead in a matter of days!

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  10. Ohhhhh, gross!! LOL, that's too funny! I sometimes find some, uh, *interesting* straw cups under the seats in the cars...yikes.

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  11. That DEFINITELY does not disqualify you for Mother of the Year! I would throw those bottles out, though. Cleaning them would be soooo gnarly!

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  12. Hahaha...Thats EXACTLY what Russell does with his bottles at night!! They truly are meant for each other :)

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  13. I'm not meant for the Mother of the Year award either...I just found a straw cup in the car...that had some milk still in it...that had been in the HOT car for over a week. Now that was a great smell! It's nice to know I'm not alone!

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  14. that's too funny! I sometimes find some too!

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