Saturday, March 12, 2011

One Year Home

Remember the big post, the cake, the celebration weeks ago (five to be exact) for Chubbs' birthday?

Well, today marks one year since we were actually able to bring her home.
The night before our big departure, we slept with her on the Pediatric floor so that we could get the hang of her medications and operating her g-tube by ourselves and controlling the ever beeping oxygen equipment. (note, we have so many disaster g-tube stories that I am deliberately not sharing. Wow that was hard to get the hang of at first. Addison learned to use a bottle merely out of survival mentality) Also, they had given her first round of immunization shots right before bedtime, so she ran a slight fever and was extremely fussy all night. She didn't sleep well at all.

So, the morning of March 12th, I arose very bleary eyed after a night of pretty much no sleep to face a morning of constant meetings- setting up the O2 at our house, meeting with pretty much every one of her doctors, curious medical students with one last chance to poke at the sort of case that they rarely see- you name it- it was non stop people dropping by our room. There wasn't time to pump or eat or to clear the bleariness from my eyes. (Honestly, though? I was so excited to finally be taking my baby home- I didn't even care about all of the drama that proceeded it)

At 1:00 we had a care conference that had been arranged for weeks. We took our weary selves there while a nurse stayed with Addison in the room, and for an hour plus, ten doctors (with an eleventh on speaker phone) spoke about her different health needs and the different appointments that we would need to follow through each one of them. Right on the spot, they scheduled most of our appointments all the way through June (several a week).

I remember this care conference being incredibly overwhelming. I just really wanted to take my daughter home for the first time and all they could focus on was the horrible things that we still had to deal with on a daily basis. I was so over all of the medical jargon.

After the meeting was mercifully over, we headed back to the room where we packed up Addison and waited several hours for the pharmacy to finish filling her 5 medications. That is the only pharmacy in the entire state who was able to fill some of these particular compounds. We still go back, just for those medications.

Anyway, during those hours, I paced the floors and dolled Addison up in her going home outfit while Aaron raided the Peds fridge, made a root beer float, kicked back with his flip flops on the recliner and relaxed. I wanted to kill him. I told him quite sternly that we weren't on a cruise, but he just smiled and laughed at me. Looking back, I think I would have been better off to adopt more of his attitude towards the waiting.

Finally, we got our medications and discharge papers and we were off. We had some trouble getting all of her equipment adjusted just right. Something about the angle of the oximeter placement in the wagon made it not read correctly. So pretty much the minute we rolled our little bundle out of the Pediatric floor, it started to beep. We adjusted it (we thought) but as soon as we hit the elevator, it went off again. According to the way it was reading, her oxygen levels were in the 70s, but to look at her pink little face, we knew that she was fine, so we pressed on. By the time we reached the main lobby and were wheeling her to our car, the alarm was going crazy and people were giving us weird looks, so we started to run so that we could get her more comfortably positioned in the car. We were worried that her positioning was difficult for her to maintain her numbers- in the heat of the moment we had no idea what the issue was, so we hurried to get her in our car and home. We wanted to get her to a more reclining position to help her breathing. To all appearances, it honestly looked like we were stealing a baby.
The stolen goods:

To make matters worse, we had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up those medications and there was some problem with one of them, so we had to stand there and wait, beeping and beeping...and then Miss Chubbs started getting upset, simply adding more harmony to the bells and whistles of the baby stealing wagon.What was supposed to be a victorious moment of finally walking out of the hospital with our baby, turned into a super embarrassing, awkward run.
Here we are, in the room right before getting discharged. Seriously, my eyes look almost swollen shut. Addison looks so tiny in her carseat.
How much difference one year can make!
So yeah, it's pretty amazing to celebrate the one year home anniversary today. Last night I was getting quite weepy about it, reading through the first few months of my blog posts and just remembering. This last year has been a bit of a struggle, but I couldn't be more in love with Addison. I just can't say that strongly enough.

After my emotional visitation to last year, I started worrying about this new baby. My new fear? That I will never be able to love another baby as much as I love Chubbs.

Speaking of the new baby, I am posting a somewhere between 14 and 15 week belly bump pic, because I am starting to show a bit, but mostly to show to my sisters the weight I've lost with all of the vomiting these past months. That has to benefit for something, right? No, I will not be posting regular bump pics. I just wanted to get one in while I was still feeling somewhat skinny before the pregnancy takes over. (-:

Oh, and I'm sorry to end the post on this note, but check out the silver thing floating in water below.
Yeah, Addison pooped that out today. We are trying to figure it out what it is and how she ate it. Apparently she felt that she needed more iron.

The resulting feeling? Mommy guilt...and a scouring of the floors for anything else she could devour.


  1. Looks like she must be hanging out with the Lone Ranger. Hi Ho Silver - where is Tonto?
    Grampa Smith

  2. LOL...What the heck did she eat!! Too funny!
    Loved this post Deanna. You guys have sure come a long way since Addisons birth. Just reading everything you guys went through and dealt with is over whelming, never mind actually living it!
    Oh, and I remember being pregnant with my second and wondering if I could ever love her as much as my first...I think every Mother wonders that...But you do, each child that comes along you love just as much as the one before. Its amazing.
    I am so excited for you guys to have another baby! Chubbsy is going to be the best big sister!

  3. Warning: pregnant women might get grossed out from this comment:

    Okay, this thought just crossed my did you know she pooped that out?! Laughing over here! Calvin pooped out a hair and I was sooo grossed out. My sister doesn't like me telling that story. I noticed it while I was cleaning up his diaper and, well, okay. Enough of that, now don't get sick or anything!

  4. Look how tiny she was! It's so hard to believe our babies were ever that little! Happy 1 year home Chubbs!

    If it makes you feel better Sutter was chewing on a leaf for well over an hour yesterday before I realized it and fished it out of his mouth! I swear I could vacuum 10x a day and he'd still manage to find something to put in his mouth. :)

  5. I just loved this post, and rejoice with you that Addison has come so far in one year. She has grown by leaps and bounds, and she is so healthy and active! Now for the love question... I wonder if all moms wonder that same thing, "can I love the next one as much as I am in love with this child?" It's a funny thing about love, it doesn't run out, but it can grow and grow. Just wait until you feel your heart melting when you see how much Addison will also love the new baby! It is just an over-flowing, contented and happy feeling. I am so excited for all of you!

  6. Wow, as if you weren't slim enough already. But no, that's not a fun way to lose weight, you poor thing. :(
    Weird how Addison's so tiny in those pics, but you can definitely tell its her!
    Ouch on pushing that bad boy out.
    I wondered that about my 2. And to be COMPLETELY honest (I've never told anyone this before), even after she was born I didn't at first have the intensity of emotion in looking at her as in looking at my 2 yr. old. But that changed pretty quickly. :) I still feel like I love her in a different way though, because she's different than he is. Don't know quite how to put it - it's not a difference in the DEGREE of love... Anyway. :)
    I've not been commenting lately because I've switched to Google Chrome, and it doesn't let me comment on Blogger posts for WHATEVER reason. I hate it. So to comment I have to switch back to Internet E. So I did today. Just cause I've missed commenting on you - but I still read every day!

  7. I think Addison is so cute. Anna

  8. Addison was so tiny! Claire was too when we brought her home. We had to tighten all the carseat straps as much as we could and they were still a little big on her.

    Had to LOL at the silver bullet! Claire ate something a couple of days ago. I was trying to fish whatever it was out of her mouth, and great mother that am I, I think I helped her swallow it...Hope it passes ok too!


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