High expectations for yourself are all well and good, but what happens when you start to convince yourself that it is just too much?
I have put so much pressure on myself to write and get my book published this year. I have been working on it since last July- working, working to make it perfect- to make it mean something- to make it help make this world a better place for my daughter to grow up.
This goal that I have put on myself is out of my comfort zone and very scary.
I am at work...with only two students in my class because of various assemblies and field trips...so they are working independently while I stew in my office. I have been reading through my book, and it is still not good enough. I am convincing myself that it is horrible and useless and that I have been wasting my time.
I wonder if I am a talented enough writer to pull this off. I do know that I am persistent and stubborn, which I hear are good qualities when attempting to publish, but am I a writer? Am I a fool to think that I can go from music teacher to author in one short year? Am I crazy?
I saw on a TV show once where an author went insane while attempting to perfect his book, so he ate it to get rid of it for good. I'm staring at the white pages and thinking that if they were slathered with a bit of chocolate, that might not be a bad idea.
I know that my book has an amazing message- I know deep down that if I keep pushing and working hard enough I can get it published- but are my words quality enough to spread around the world?
Bottom line- I'm discouraged. I have worked so hard, but it is not yet perfect and I fear it never will be because I don't have the ability that such a project dictates.
I'm halfway contemplating posting a few pages of it here in a post so that I could get some feedback, but then I draw back in fear of the response. What if it is so horrible that you tell me to throw away this unrealistic goal and go bury my head in the sand somewhere...I would prefer someplace warm like Florida, California, or the Caribbean...
Anyway, I have a feeling that this is one of the posts that I will get no feedback on as everyone is scared to "poke the bear", but I feel better just having vented.
If you do feel like commenting, could you please help me?
What is your favorite book and why? What is it that pulls you into the pages with no desire to leave? What is that magical balance of a book between action and description that leaves the reader breathless with wonder and expectations fulfilled?
Can you tell I'm doing a bit of soul searching? ha. My book is in that critical stage between OK and great, and I'm struggling to take it there. I'm wishing for more hours in the day to work on this more...(or to drive myself even more crazy...whatever)