Tuesday, March 8, 2011

absent

My dearest Addison,

Today I left you at 7:30am and returned from work 7:30pm. I missed you more than words can express.

While I waited for your PCA to arrive this morning, I watched you climb on top of my clarinet case and rest there, looking proudly around at the world from your new vantage point. The look of satisfaction on your face at overcoming the clarinet case made me smile all day every time I thought about it.

When I returned tonight, well past your bedtime, you had fought sleep long enough to see me, give me a flash of your golden smile, grab hold for a quick hug, give lots of sweet kisses, and then once you were satisfied that I was home- you fell fast asleep.

When I'm not with you, I don't get to see your smile when you wake up from your nap. I don't get to see you crumble your crackers over every inch of my hardwood floors. I don't get to see you seek to find new things to crawl on, toys to laugh gleefully at. I don't get to fight with you over standing or cuddle with you after you bang your head against the furniture in a climb gone wrong. I don't get to wipe your runny nose or fold up your tiny little clothes while singing along to your CDs.

While I'm at work, I keep a picture of you up on my computer and my heart tightens when I see it because I wonder what you're accomplishing at therapy that day or if you've crawled the entire house over yet. I wonder if you miss me- miss my hugs, my kisses. I wonder if you notice when I'm gone.

Some women marvelously balance kids and work. But Chubbs, all I can think about while I'm working is that I'd rather be home with you- seeking out adventure and soothing your woes. Teaching high school students is all well and good, but I'd much rather be teaching my star student who needs me so much more. I'd rather be praising you for a job well done and encouraging you to the next level of greatness.

I have two advanced degrees to make me the best music teacher possible, but honestly, I am a pretty lousy teacher when all I can think about is my Chubbs, my sunshine, my little sweetheart..

Addison Lynnette Chubbs McPhee Smith- you have stolen my heart so very completely. I think you are the most amazing little girl that I have ever met. When I'm not with you, a slow smile still creeps across my face, no matter how awful the day, when I merely think of your beautiful little self. I am such a blessed mom- because you are a part of my life. I'm sorry that I have to leave you every other day. This especially is a busy month. Just know that there's not a minute that goes by that I don't think of you- I hope you miss me half as much as I miss you.

I look forward to this summer so very much because I get to spend every day with you....hopefully from then on out.

Days 'til summer break: 102

We can make it, sweet Chubbs. I know we can.

Much love,
your absent Mommy

p.s. aren't you glad that we get to spend all day tomorrow together?
p.s.s. let's celebrate by sleeping in???

1 comment:

  1. Deanna, you inspire me. I need to appreciate the time I have with my kids so much more than I do. Addison is so lucky to have you:)

    ReplyDelete

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