It is late at night, my husband is on a business trip and Addison finally fell asleep. She felt it her mission to scoot all around the crib, untying the bumper pads and screaming with frustration when she couldn't escape out through the crib slats. She was a bundle of energy and a typical vivacious one year old refusing to sleep. She is days away from celebrating her first birthday.
I mentioned earlier in the week that I was sad in viewing the milestone. Well tonight I want to take a slightly different approach to the upcoming celebration. Lately, I haven't been able to get this picture out of my mind:
I know it is a horrible quality picture of a crumpled up picture. A picture that was taken of Addison when she was days/hours old that I thought made her look too "Down syndrome" to share. I quickly hid it away (and probably crumpled it), hoping to never see it again. Around Christmastime it reappeared and it made me cry thinking that this doesn't even look like my same baby. I taped it to the wall right over her feeding station in the kitchen so that every time I made her a bottle or got her a snack, I would remember how far she has come.
Every time I look at it, I get a little misty eyed thinking about how sick she was for so long. I cry thinking about how much she has gone through. She is such a strong little girl. But you know, as tough as this last year was, I don't know that I would change it because it is our history. It is my first year of being a mom, and it was really special. It was full of constant reminders of how special life is. How a baby's life is not to be taken for granted, and that I don't love my baby just because she is beautiful and she fulfills my carnal desires in wanting the "best and smartest baby". This year was a year that I could really be there to help my baby...simply live...and enjoy every moment. The "Down syndrome look" doesn't bother me anymore. That is just part of her beauty. She wears it with pride and dignity.
Today we were in Toys 'R Us picking out Addison's birthday present (and practicing her cart/stranger waving...I know, I'm so one track minded). While deciding on the cutest walking toy within budget, a lady approached and said,
"Oh my goodness, is that a real baby? I thought you were carrying a doll up in your cart, but I just saw her move."
I guess that's what Chubbs' pink bear suit does to people. Yep, she's a doll. A seventeen pound miracle doll that I take with me everywhere that occasionally moves....you know you want my life.
A year ago tonight I had no idea what I was in for with motherhood. I had no idea what my baby would be like. When I saw my sick, sick baby, I freaked out a little. I've written about it before.
After so much that we've now gone through, I find that I am more than a little bit in love. The freaking out is gone, replaced by a fierce mama bear type of love that would tear from limb to limb anyone who would dare hurt my child.
She is rocking life- living every day like a Queen of Sheba, enjoying the attention of two doting parents with an entire house to crawl around in and scatter her toys. She laughs and smiles so much that sometimes we just sit and have laugh time together. She fills our home with joy and her giggles are so contagious that I think I heard even the large stacks of snow take a little giggle break in response to her rolls of laughter.
After Addison's dinner of ravioli and strawberries, a soothing warm bath, tickles from Mommy, a bedtime story by Dr. Seuss, and two hours of thrashing in her crib creating trouble, my angel is now sound asleep. She is enjoying life to its fullest and is excited to celebrate her big milestone of one year of life on Sunday. (Why would you want to sleep and waste any celebration time???)
I can think of no one more worthy to celebrate. You want to compare values and worth of life?
I'll show you my Chubbs who has worked so hard to live and tell you that she is worth every penny we put into her medical bills and all of the heartache and all of the praying
And you see how happy she is now and how much she enjoys eating, playing, kissing, laughing, reading, crawling, creating trouble....
and you'll see a life that is worth far more than the medical community might initially give her credit for.
her life is priceless. and she's mine. (-:
countdown to birthday: 2 days.....