This morning, the first appointment of the day was to head to my doctor (wow it feels weird to be the patient again) and hear the heartbeat of our new baby.
Sometime around September 8th (labor day weekend, ironically) our lives are about to get a whole lot crazier.
These ultra sound pics are from my eight week appointment- today was my twelve week appointment....so hopefully this little tiny peanut has gotten bigger since then, but these are the only pictures I have.(-:
I think it's amazing to have the same doctors who promised me that they would support whatever path I chose with my 'Down syndrome fetus' now see for themselves the happy, healthy amazing little girl that Addison has grown into. With my two appointments so far, Addison has definitely gotten more attention from the doctors than I have. (-: Today the doctor was completely mesmerized by Addison- totally smitten. Maybe this will help their little sad faces be happier when they deliver the news to that next Mom with that positive amnio...."I know this is scary, but earlier today I saw a little girl with Down syndrome. She could not have been more beautiful or amazing." That's what they could start with.(-:
Addison of course has no idea how her world is going to be rocked upside down in six short months. When I tell her that soon she's going to have to share all of her toys, she gives me the evil eye and clings to them protectively. I think she's going to be an amazing older sister, and I absolutely can't wait to see her with her little sibling.
I have made it through these past twelve weeks and hope that soon the nausea will fade to a mere memory. I have lost twelve pounds in the last few weeks and have slept more than I care to recount....I have random days where food sounds good, but other than that- keep it far away from me. It's strange when you have to force yourself to eat something...and then pray it stays down.
I can already tell that this pregnancy is very different than my first. Whether that predicts girl or boy...who's to say? (also, the heartbeat has been a good 30 beats slower than Addison's 190 each appointment...I've heard that can predict gender as well???)
I for sure have entered this pregnancy with a lot more fear and trepidation than naive little me did with the first one. My eyes have been opened, I realize everything that can happen that seem like far away statistics but are very possible and have already happened to our family. (There was 1 in 1500 chance that my baby would have Down syndrome...yes, I was the 1. I really should have bought a lottery ticket the day I found out)
When Addison's type of Down syndrome was diagnosed, we were assured that this was merely a coincidence- that we could have normal, typical children as well.
It's not that I'm afraid of having another child with Down syndrome. But in the same breath, I would love for Addison to have a strong sibling to be there for Addison when Aaron and I can't be. I have declined genetic testing at this point- for my own peace of mind. After enduring the last pregnancy of knowing that something was wrong- I just don't think that I could deal with the maybes and percentages that would present themselves. I just want to enjoy my second perfect baby without forty weeks of worrying.
I could not be more thrilled about this pregnancy (I know you might think it's crazy to be so excited when they will be a mere 18 months apart, especially with all of the extra help that Chubbs needs, but I just can't help it. I get to have another baby!!!)
The fear of people looking at me and secretly thinking that I shouldn't have any more children because obviously I failed with my first pregnancy is very real. I promise you- I did everything right with my first pregnancy. I took every vitamin necessary and even gave up coffee (it made me sick...but same difference). I'll probably write more about this later- it has been heavy on my mind these past twelve weeks, but for now?
I just want to excitedly announce my expectant state and hope that you too can be excited for our little family of three- soon to be stretching to a family of four.
Don't you think that Chubbs McPhee is going to be an awesome big sister??? (-: