Thursday, July 29, 2010
frustrated by developmental delays
I am frustrated. Frustrated that Chubbs is going to be six months next week and there are a lot of milestones that she isn't hitting yet that she should be. If I get one more email from BabyCenter saying "Your baby should not be__________ this week" I think I might scream. I know that she is supposed to be developmentally delayed, but I see other babies with Down Syndrome who are ahead of her as well and I panic. I know I shouldn't compare her with other babies, but it is hard not to. I have had long conversation with Addison's PT and OT about where she is, and they both say because of her heart surgery and oxygen needs she might be even more delayed. My competitive side reared its ugly head and wanted to argue with them...No, how could that be?
My three siblings and I crawled by six months and walked by eight months. Growing up, I always assumed that my children would do the same. This is killing me to think that my baby might not walk for years. I see how determined she is and I push her every day as we work through different PT exercises. If only my will power could make her do these things faster, she would already be running (away from me...probably...)
I started really thinking about this when I got a call from Addison's case worker and PT this morning as they scheduled two six month evaluation appointments to see where she is at. Up to now I have just been taking it a day at a time, but all of a sudden, she is going to be measured against other babies her age and it makes me panic. What if she is found wanting?
I love Addison so much that it kills me even to admit that this bothers me. How do I continue appreciating her just for who she is without constantly having the comparison between her and other babies? How do I not let this bother me? I go on facebook and I see my friend's babies who were born months after Addison, accomplishing milestones that she still can't touch. ARGHHH. Does this feeling ever go away? Has anyone already had this appointment and is it as bad as I am thinking it will be?