Monday, June 7, 2010

My baby is perfect too.



As has been my habit of late, when Addison goes to sleep, I have been spending more time online trying to find new friends- other moms who also are raising beautiful babies who are "rocking out on designer genes". (I stole that line from Tonya...love it!) I am just so encouraged by reading about other people who have gone through similar things-and lived to not only tell about it, but be happy about it. When I first found out that Addison had Down Syndrome, at just 19 weeks pregnant, the worst part was feeling all alone. I didn't know anyone who had ever gone through what I was going through. Because no one really understood, empathy was low and I struggled as I felt as though I was the only person in the world going through this. Even in the NICU for 5 weeks, all of the other babies were mostly premature, so they put us in isolation because our baby was full term and they weren't quite sure what to do with us. Never have felt more alone. Anyway, I am now meeting more and more wonderful moms with babies with Down Syndrome online, and I love this!
But why do I bring this up? While searching for new blogs tonight, I happened upon a blog site of a Mom with a brand new baby- perfectly "normal", healthy baby. She went out of her way on her blog to brag on and on and on about how perfect her baby is. She went as far to say that the "perfect sperm met the perfect egg to make her amazingly perfect baby". When I read things like this- some of the initial hurt comes back. When people post the facts about their baby and then say - perfect. It always makes me feel bad. Is this crazy? It's just, when people go out of their way to say that- does that mean that my baby isn't perfect? That their baby was perfectly made by God, but that since mine has an extra chromosome, she is a defect off of their perfect model? Maybe this is a petty thing- maybe I am too sensitive. I am just still very new to all of this. When Addison was born, I told all of my friends, that I just wanted everyone to be as excited for us as they would be for any baby being born. Because, I truly believe that she was perfectly made....not only that, but she was perfectly made to be our daughter. To other new parents- I understand that you are excited that you have a new baby, but please just rethink how you announce that your baby is "perfect". To me sometimes it sounds like new parents are saying...."haha- look what we have done. we have created the perfect baby." (emphasis on the we) And then they perhaps look over at me as though I have done something wrong since my baby has so many extra health issues to deal with. Under different circumstances, I think I would have fallen prey to the same way of thinking. Now, I realize, that every baby is a perfect blessing from God- given to the perfect family designed to serve the perfect purpose. Please don't rub in my face that your baby is perfect and that perhaps you feel that mine isn't. Just be thankful for the gift that God has given you, while I am so extremely thankful for the one that He has given me. I can't imagine life without my beautiful Addison who is, dare I say it- perfect.

7 comments:

  1. Deanna, you are such an inspiration to me! I believe God is going to use you in amazing ways because of your trust in Him through all you've been through with your sweet Addison. God has fearfully and wonderfully and perfectly created her. I cannot even imagine the aloneness and hurt you have felt over the past few months. I have been praying for you. I came across this blog the other day (you might have already found it) and wanted to share it with you. http://wwwourunexpectedjourney.blogspot.com/

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  2. Deanna I have shared so many of the feelings you wrote in this post, I know exactly how you feel! When Russell was first born we found out a week later about the DS, I didnt tell people at first because I wanted them to be happy for us and as excited as we were, I wanted them to see Russell for Russell and not the Down syndrome. I felt as soon as people heard about it they all clamed up and wanted to say how sorry they were for us and give me a hug...I HATED that!!! There was nothing to be sorry about, he is perfect, beautiful...and my little boy! On one of my posts I wrote about something a freind said to me once when I was struggling with the whole DS thing, I was telling her I still couldnt quite believe any of this had happened, to me Russell looked perfect...she said "he is perfect, he is perfectly Russell" How beautiful is that?? I loved it, its so true, he is perfectly himself! Your daughter is adorable, and most importantly she is EXACTLY who she is meant to be...she is "Perfectly Addison!"
    Oh and isnt this blogging thing great! I didnt even know what blogs were until I had Russell and I too found myself up late at night just searching for other Moms who knew how I felt. I dont feel alone anymore, and I hope you dont either :)

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  3. so absolutely perfect! and i am sure she will remind you of that over and over again...every time i look at camden and he flashes his little personality back at me i marvel...he is so perfect...in absolutely every way...because we were all made perfectly...by a perfect God...who doesn't settle for anything less than perfection....and i know that he is so proud of our little ones....and of you Deanna for being the amazing mommy that you are!

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  4. I thought I posted a comment, but it isn't showing up!! Addison is most definitely perfect! Don't ever doubt it!

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  5. I'll agree that some parents go just a tad too far sometimes in bragging about their kids - myself probably included. Me and my husband were always just ready to bust our buttons when our kiddos learned to crawl, got their first tooth, learned to say something that revealed their incredible intelligence :), etc. And guess where I like to share that stuff, my blog! Somehow you can get away with bragging more on a blog than in real life. ;)
    And admittedly, with both of our babies, we were (and are) convinced of their perfectness. But that's got nothing to do with whether or not they have Downs. If they had Downs they would be just as perfect, wonderful, and precious! I think that a bit of bragging on the babies is normal and ok (that one mom did go overboard!) - and I hope that no one ever thinks that I see their children as inferior to mine just because I'm tickled pink with mine!
    Addison is perfect and beautiful in EVERY way - I've never felt sorry for you - except in hearing how you've had to watch your baby hurt with her surgeries/ procedures.
    I love your adorable pics, and my husband rolls his eyes when he hears me "ooing" over some cute new pic. you've posted! :)

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  6. Deanna - thank you SO much for being candid. I had never thought about that. But I do remember when I wasn't a mom, and mom's bragging and complaining about their kids and I wanted to remind them they are a gift from God - and not their own. And to be careful when you complain! I felt like their motherhood was rubbing in my face my empty nest. It made me sick to be around them. All that to say, I can see where the "He was 8 lbs 2 oz and PERFECT!" can seem very proud, in your face and stomach-churning. Your Addison is perfectly Addison, and from what I read about her, has enough spunk, creativity and personality for 2 kids!

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  7. Although I do not have a child with DS, Deanna, my thoughts about Addison even before she was born were, "She is PERFECT, because she is made just the way God designed her! She is perfectly formed be God!" She is as you said, a precious gift from God, just as ALL babies are! Truly, that is how I have always thought of Addison! I never thought it was "devastating" that you were having a baby with Down Syndrome. God has a purpose in all that He does. I'm sure you are beginning to see His purpose in giving you Addison. You will be able to share God's purpose for her life with so many people as you write about your lives. God will use you to open the eyes and hearts of many people to see how precious life is!

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