Monday, June 28, 2010

Mama Bear

It is Monday morning. Outside I see very dreary things- clouds, rain. Addison decided that she would awaken at 5am this morning and has already consumed eleven ounces of milk between then and now (hopefully, growth spurt?). When she fell fast asleep for the night at 6pm last night, I should have seen this coming. But in spite of the gloomy weather and the lack of sleep, this Monday AM I am marveling at how blessed I am. I am sprawled out on my favorite white couch alternately typing and taking sips of amazing coffee (properly creamered, of course). Over to my right is Addison on her play mat- attempting to eat her entire hand and making little cooing noises. We just finished time in her jump up and bumbo seat and both her head control and leg dexterity have come a long way. I look forward into the day and realize that I can spend all day just being with my beautiful daughter! Holding her, feeding her, talking to her, coaxing smiles out of her, napping with her- these are a few of my favorite things! I also have a list a mile long of things to accomplish, but they are all things at home and all things that aren't on a time schedule, so Addison comes first. I have looked forward to today ever since I went back to work in the middle of April.
When I was pregnant with Addison and first found out that she has Down Syndrome, I would look around at all of my friends or random strangers who were pregnant and be so jealous. They didn't have to go through everything that I was- they were planning to have perfectly normal children who had bright futures. Today as I look into my daughter's beautiful blue eyes, I am struck with a powerful feeling of love and feel incredibly humbled that this beautiful, beautiful baby is mine. Jealous of other moms with "normal" babies? Not so much. I wouldn't trade babies with anyone. As far as I am concerned, I won the lottery of babies. Am I still apprehensive about Addison's future or frustrated that she is still on oxygen? At times, yes. But when Addison looks me in the eye and smiles from ear to ear- it lights up my world and nothing else seems to matter except for the overwhelming love and protective instinct that I have for this little girl. When Addison was born and put immediately into the NICU, my mother in law said that I needed to develop my "Mama Bear" instinct. Following all of the medical jargon even when it made absolutely no sense so that I could be the best advocate possible for my daughter. It is now almost five months later- Addison has been through so much during that time, including two surgeries and countless procedures and lab tests- I feel like my "Mama Bear" instinct has come a long way.
Anyway, this post has already rambled on long enough. For now, I want to go scoop up my daughter's wiggling body off of her play mat and just cuddle with her- feeling her arms wrap around my neck and her chubby hands grabbing onto my shirt while she snuggles her little head into my neck. Seriously, I can't think of a better way to start off day....I thank God everyday for giving me the most perfect, the most loveable daughter.

3 comments:

  1. You made my heart happy and put a smile on my face today, Deanna! Thanks for sharing your heart with us! You and Aaron are very blessed!

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  2. I'd now say you have excellent "mama bear" instincts. Way to go!!!!

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  3. Hi Deanna...I just found your blog from a comment you left on little Russell's blog. Addison is such a doll!! Gotta love those chubby cheeks!! Anyway, I hope I don't scare you off, but my daughter, Ella, was also a transient leukemia club member at birth and so when I saw you mention that on Russell's blog, I wanted to check out your daughter too. Let me start by saying that I PRAY Addison doesn't transition to leukemia BUT, if she does, I wanted to tell you a quick story. I found the blog of a little girl who was a year older than my Ella when this other girl was in the middle of going through treatment for leukemia. She also was born with transient leukemia. So, since I knew it could be a very real possibility for us, I got to know her mom very well and read her blog faithfully. Well, just last month, my daughter transitioned to leukemia as well. I felt so prepared because I had been following this other little girl's journey and knew exactly what to expect and how easily she sailed through the treatment and how great the odds were in her favor that she would recover completely....etc. etc. So, you may chose to completely turn away from my blog because it may scare you to even think about the thought of leukemia..and I wouldn't blame you one bit!! But if you are a person needs the knowledge, I just wanted to reach out to you. We did the monthly follow ups with oncology since birth as well. Ella transitioned a month after turning 2. Okay, well I guess this comment is long enough..sorry!! By the way, I love what you wrote in this post. We also found out about Ella prenatally so I understood exactly what you meant when you said that you were jealous of all the other pregnant women. And now I wouldn't trade her for anything either. In fact, now when I see babies without Ds, I think they have big ears and big noses because I am so used to Ella's tiny ones!!

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